Moment of truth : I don't know how to be in a relationship. XS
I know what kind of a psycho person make this kinda statement? But seriously, this is my only space of comfort and no lies. I have to let this out. Being in a relationship might sound easy but I guess it is not as simple as I thought it would be. I have learn that I have a lot to learn. I seriously don't know how to say it any other way.... 'I don't know how to be in a relationship' is by far the most perfect statement to describe my condition right now.
In making sure a person know that you care, that you love them, that they meant a world to you...you need to be able to do more than just saying it, you need to show your love for a person with action. That is what I've realized.....you need to do more than words. In my defense maybe I am not good in showing all this emotions because I'm just still scared....I don't want to get hurt like how I've before. That's why I've become more careful.... I just needed some time to come around. I'm trying to just fall slowly...taking things one step at a time. That is supposed to be a good thing right?
I dunno, I think I've become very bad in verbalizing and acting my feelings....maybe it have lead me to hurt the person I love most. Maybe I could be better. I don't know how I become like this. I love him so much, no doubt....if I could, I want to have him here with me every second of the day....but, I can't. I wanna be an independent person, who is strong in my own way. So that he knows that he can count on me, so that he knows that I will be okay even without him around so that he can go and follow his dreams. I don't want to be a person that will be a burden to him, I don't want to be a clingy person that choke him from freedom. I want to be able to be his backbone...that support him during difficult times.
Saying all this might be easy but making sure that person know how much you love them without making yourself look like a complete back-boneless is a task. All in all, I just hope he know...I love him so much. Having him loving me is like a dream. Seeing how much he love me make me feel truly touched, truly surreal. I guess I just don't realize how much he love me until today. I am surprised even to see this person that I've never seen in him before, all of this is new to me. But, how can I ever make him understand that I'm truly grateful that he open up himself to me like this. I've a lot to learn and I need time....I just hope he can be a bit more patient because I am truly working on it as best as I can.
So I guess, Step 3 is : Learn to make the person you love feel loved...
In making sure a person know that you care, that you love them, that they meant a world to you...you need to be able to do more than just saying it, you need to show your love for a person with action. That is what I've realized.....you need to do more than words. In my defense maybe I am not good in showing all this emotions because I'm just still scared....I don't want to get hurt like how I've before. That's why I've become more careful.... I just needed some time to come around. I'm trying to just fall slowly...taking things one step at a time. That is supposed to be a good thing right?
I dunno, I think I've become very bad in verbalizing and acting my feelings....maybe it have lead me to hurt the person I love most. Maybe I could be better. I don't know how I become like this. I love him so much, no doubt....if I could, I want to have him here with me every second of the day....but, I can't. I wanna be an independent person, who is strong in my own way. So that he knows that he can count on me, so that he knows that I will be okay even without him around so that he can go and follow his dreams. I don't want to be a person that will be a burden to him, I don't want to be a clingy person that choke him from freedom. I want to be able to be his backbone...that support him during difficult times.
Saying all this might be easy but making sure that person know how much you love them without making yourself look like a complete back-boneless is a task. All in all, I just hope he know...I love him so much. Having him loving me is like a dream. Seeing how much he love me make me feel truly touched, truly surreal. I guess I just don't realize how much he love me until today. I am surprised even to see this person that I've never seen in him before, all of this is new to me. But, how can I ever make him understand that I'm truly grateful that he open up himself to me like this. I've a lot to learn and I need time....I just hope he can be a bit more patient because I am truly working on it as best as I can.
So I guess, Step 3 is : Learn to make the person you love feel loved...
