Truly Inspirational

Sangat terkesan di dalam hati video ni. InsyaAllah, lepas ni nak jadi seorang doktor my bermanfaat kepada manusia....Amin Amin Ya Rabb..

A Day in Red Zone

I wasn't expecting that I'll be in Resus this week. I don't know where they should put me, but I wasn't expecting Resus. Phew! What a day!!! Started the day by having 3 cases coming in at one go. Then, during Grand rounds with the HOD I kene screw habis2 pasal ABC. Semua org tgk...malu sgt2 sehh. But, its okay we are all learning kan. Hmm then the day went on and on and on and without I realized it has already passed lunch time. Yang ajaib nye, dalam busy2 tu I sempat makan nasi bli kat cafe!!! Haha...sgt xleh bla k. Macam2 sangat I tgk harini...severe bradycardia, hypoglycaemic coma, ureamia encephalopathy, status epilepticus, crash injury, malathion poisoning..etc etc...but the most exciting thing is I think, I managed to insert a CV line on my own today, Yerp! I'm that lame....my very first one on my last posting. Its late but hopefully it is not too late. Huhu but I'm happy...and that really made my day!

p/s : my Viral screen out all negative!! =))) very happy news indeed

Moment of Truth

I FREAKING HATE PEADIATRIC POSTING!!!!!!

Unhealthy

Fie... hows life?? Life is freaking pathetic lately....Seriously patthetic. Life is okay. Doink is busy playing  PS3 game 24/7, and I feel so annoyed with that game..tho I am the one who bought him the game in the first place. Whateverlah...I have promised myself to be very understanding bout his game mania, and saying all this doesn't mean that I don't understand. I do, but I seriously thk its a little too much lahh.... seriously too much. Basicly erasing my mood to talk to him about anything. Seriously hating myself for saying all this, I know I look like this not understanding bitch who have problem with her boyfriend playing video games. I know how this looks kay, and I seriously hate this kinda girl. I don't expect him to stop playing game and talk to me pun, but even so...even when he's not playing game I've to make way for him to start playing game...I actually talk "talk" things to other people more than to him kot...haihh sedihla...i just missed him...

And I am seriously hating my computer right now ( D please don't you dare shutting down on me, I wouldn't hesitate in throwing you into the river) I seriously in need of a new laptop. But I just can't afford a laptop now... arghhh!!! not nice feeling to have. Why must the pencuri curi my laptop and all of my memories. Seriously, I hope one day he will know how it feels to be me... I seriously need my laptop more than anythg now. I really need it that I feel so pissed off, so given up on it that it kept on shutting down on me. Gosh, yla I am having hatred towards machines nie...this is too unhealthy. -.-

Btw, I think I might be having this LOVE-HATE kinda relationship with Peads. I think this department is so freaking complicated. The log book, the schedule totally not organized, they are treating us like children, the leave is so freakingly hard to apply, and we are not short of people, we are among the department who have large number of people. But they kept on not letting the first posting to do loads of thing. Man! When are they goin to learn???? I duno la, as much as I think it is freaking complicated...I kinda enjoy working here, I love those kids. No matter how much they made your life miserable, not wanting to take ORS, not wanting to drink or eat, difficult line settings, blood taking, all the struggling and long hours in treatment room with them shouting on top of their lungs in your ear... the end of the day, they will give you this cutest smile, and that is somehow enough to send you back smiling.

FYI.... Jen, Mimi and Mira just climb up Mount Kinabalu which I think is so damn Awesome!!! I seriously feel very envious towards this...I should be a part of that you know. I should, but maybe the time isn't right. But that's the thing...if you don't make time, you'll never find it for anythg at all...I feel so totally proud and happy for my friends. Wish one day I can climb up that mountain too..InsyaAllah....

Anyway, I think that is all for now...

My life really need an emergency makeover.....

Day 1 of Little Hands and Feet

Okay so my day don't start off so good. Ntahla...I just feel so lonely la in this department. The log book is so freaking complicated. I'm tagging alone. SUCKS !!! Big time. I still feel like I'm missing Surgery and the familiar faces. I'm missing Doink more and more....I miss to have him pick me up from work on my first day of tagging...listen to me rant and cry and tell me all the good thgs that he have experience in that posting....and I'll go back tired, slightly frustrated but looking forward to everyday.....cz at the end of the day...he is there for me, always. And he will try his best to cheer me up. 

Today, I am eating my cold dinner alone and its raining outside. I wish soooo hard that I have his company now...maybe running away to Penang wasn't such a BAD idea...Gahhh!!! this feeling is killing me...

Anyhoot....just few minutes before I headed back home. I was helping my friend to hold a baby so that they could take his blood. The baby was crying and so it became difficult for us to aspirate his blood. Then I put my little finger *its clean ok, i wash it before I touch the baby* and the baby suck it playfully...and that miraculously make me smile. That baby made my day....  =)

PiNky October

Ok so i havent been writting as much as promise my self to be...found my self a little easily distracted lately...then i become totally HYPER....

What's been up?

Latest news of all is.... Alhamdullilah...I don't have cancer. those of you who does not know...I've been having this breast lump for quite a while now...approximately 5 years if I'm not mistaken. Yeah, I know I must be crazy to not have it checked up after 5 years...have I lost my mind??? Mind you, I did go for chk up...when I was a student I was seeing Dr. Mumu my Surgical Lecturer....then she said it was nothing to worry about because the history and the nature most likely to suggest fibroadenosis or fibroadenoma which means some benign lesions over the breast which commonly found in the childbearing age women due to the hormones and etc. So I find myself not worried about this lump until recently due to the death of my Tuk Ayah (maternal grandpa) and my Mak Long (maternal aunt) due to cancer. 

My Tuk Ayah was found to have colon cancer just a few weeks before he passed away. He had a cardiac arrest after his operation. While my Mak Long...she had a recurrent breast cancer she had done bilateral mastectomy completed Tamoxifen regime and chemotherapy. So, cut my story short....after few push from these lovely ppl whom I am very lucky to have....I went for the Triple assessment. They did a scan and found that my lump has cancerous feature, its BIRADS 4a...so the radiologist did a Tru-cut biopsy for me and took 3 good samples of tissues. For the whole week of not being able to move my respective arm or use it to carry heavy objects and breast pain due to the small cut...i was also worried about the histopathology result (microscope examination of the tissues). Alhamdullilah...berkat doa my parents and my loved ones...it was not cancer it was just a benign lesion....so mmg Alhamdullilah....Alhamdullilah...Alhamdullilah sgt2.....I might still want to remove it..but maybe not now la as it is very small...I'll definitely do my monthly BSE (breast self examination) don't worry. All you ladies out there should remember to do BSE too okay. Breast Cancer is among the most common cancer among women in Malaysia. Plus October is a breast cancer awareness month. So do remind urself, ur sisters, mother and girlfriends to be aware of this. Do monthly BSE as it has proven to detect breast cancer in its early stage.

p/s doink, thank you for being with me, thank you for caring, thank you for the love that you gv thru this hard times....thank you for your prayer. ILY

WEAR PINK FOR ALL WARRIORS!!

<3

Reflection

window to your heart

For the past 2 weeks...I was posted in Ophthalmology Department. Truthfully, this was supposed to be a blessing...I don't have to oncall. I go back approximately 5 o'clock everyday. But, I have to work every weekend and come to work at "6am" every day. Everyday of this posting...seriously I feel so miserable, I think the MO's there are all so la not nice. I am seriously missing surgery....and no its not because he is there. I missed surgery cause I feel like I'm doing something meaningful in surgery and not just a job that can be done by a clerk. So throughout that posting I think I've been rather rebellious, do as I like, come at watever time as I please...I don't have a very good relationship with the MO's. I seriously are not very proud with myself in this posting...tho I will get all my work done, try as hard as possible not to menyusahkan org but I myself know...my attitude in these 2 weeks are terrible. *Muhasabah diri*

What actually knock my senses and try to make me change was a Hospital CME that i attended last week. Last week's Friday, an Intensivist presented a case about this patient who poke an exotic snake while it was sleeping and got bitten. It was an interesting case despite keeping in mind that the patient kinda put himself into that condition, and maybe some ppl might think "serve him right, who asked him to be stupid enuf to disturbed the sleeping snake"...it was indeed a very lively CME. The speaker definitely managed to caught our attention as he goes on talking about how he managed to get the anti-venom from a Zoo in Singapore that saved the person's life and also his arm. Anyway, what really knock my senses was this case...it is a multidisciplinary case as it was first managed by the ED team, then the Medical team, The Anaest team as the pt was cared in ICU and also the Orthopaedic team. The HOD of the Emergency stresses upon how important it is to ensure we have good relationship with every departments and also our resources as it can help us a lot and in this case it helped in saving a patient's life. 

I guess...this applies not just in our working environment but in every single aspect of our lives. So, though it is already too late for me now...we all must always realized we can never work alone. We are not God, we have weaknesses...we are flawed so that others can compliment us, so that we will always remember we are the humble servant of Allah swt. No men is greater than his own Creator....so be humble, patient, forgiving...always be in good terms with everyone...InsyaAllah one day at times when we needed the extra help, things won't be so hard...    

Another thing is...their COMPASSION really amaze me. Seriously, lepas dengar CME to cam semangat kobar2 nak kerja...these ppl they have been working for so long...how did they tahan with all this crap, unfairness....i guess the word is COMPASSION. I guess if you are compassionate enough...money, tiredness...all this is not so important as long as you can see that your patient is safe and sound, as long as you can help to make someone feels better...and that will be all that matters...Wallahualam

   

What is inside my head lately

You noe lately I am just obsess thinking about how all these specialist have the will to continue in this profession that I think I hate (at times) for years.....seriously, I am still wondering how to continue working from day to day. I am seriously amaze watching all this hardworking people. I sometimes wonder what get them going. I know everyone says no job is nice cz working itself is not nice. But these people are passionate. How can I be like them?


to be cont...

A message from someone

Just something to get my spirit up!!! Thanks Dr. Jega!!!

Stages of Grief

Elisabeth Kubler Ross defined the stages of grief to be divided into...

1. Shock and Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining 
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

It is okay to undergo these stages of grief when something bad happen, it is normal. It is better if you can do it at full speed cause that means you don't have to suffer so much. But if you are stuck at one of the stages for a very long time....well, this is where we probably have a problem. I know, my posts has been very vague lately...somewhat heartbroken...then I don't know, most of it just crappy.......let just say...I 've lost someone I trust, someone that I really cared about...a friend...who I treasured very much. How? Well, I think we don't need to discuss that here. We are both wrong I guess... and I know he'll never change. I've been trying to keep it together but now, I just can't take it anymore so I have to let him go. Maybe we will be friends again in the future....but as of now...just take this time to be on our own and grow. Yeah...I am still grieving....

Anyhoot, enjoy this video : this is how Summer Robert (my favourite character from the OC) deal with her stages of grief when her BESTFRIEND Marissa Cooper died.

have I told you guys how much i LOVEEE SummerSeth as a couple before??? haha...I believe I have...Yeah, they are still my favourite TV couple EVERR!!!!

aren't they just the sweetest (^^)v  <3

p/s : pray that i'll find my Seth soon okay... =)

17th December 2008

A lesson finds the most common denominator and link us all together, like a chain. At the end of that chain dangles a clock, and on the face of the clock the passing of time is registered. We hear it, the hushed tick-tock sound that breaks any silence, and we see it, but often we don't feel it. Each second makes its mark on every single person's life; comes and goes, quietly disappearing without fanfare, evaporating into air like steam from piping hot Christmas pudding. Enough time leaves us warm;when our time is gone, it too leaves us cold.

Time is more precious than gold, more precious than diamonds, more precious than oil or any valuable treasures. It is time that we do not have enough of it; it is time that causes the war within our hearts,  so we must spend it wisely. time cannot be packaged and ribboned and left under trees for Christmas morning.

Time can't be given. But it can be shared.

~ Quoted from 'The Gift' by Cecelia Ahern

p/s : can I share it with you for awhile longer?

CamPuS CloSeD?? nOt!!

Hello everyone...

What do u guys think about my new layout? Love it / Hate it

Sorry, that I've not been posting anything that actually make sense lately. I think I got lost in my own thoughts for a while. Well, a lot has happen. Some I rather not share it here I think. But, although not all are back to normal. I think I've started to see that beautiful sunlight peeping through the dark sky. TeE hEe..

Anyways, I'm no longer posted in the labour ward starting last Monday. So, now I have to start the dreadful days of following ward rounds, clinics, and bedside. THE HORROR!! I seriously prefer to be in the labour room, because I especially like hearing people screaming in pain and having the annoying sound of CPG as my everyday background music as I watch the babies being delivered looking all gross and slimmy..hehe. Well, I guess you gotta take what you can have, right? At least, I still can play with babies in the ward...OooH!! I love babies..but I've never even once change a nappy..haha.

Now that the weekends are here, I am wishing that I'll finally get that studying done!! Been seriously lacking behind these few days despite my anemic symptoms (alasan) =p Yup, I noe I'm a nerd..LOL

Today, UiTM Shah Alam has been closed due to H1N1. Kinda hoping that I have holiday too..hee..but I'm in Selayang. Therefore there's no association watsoever with Shah Alam Campus. Ala... based on experience..I don't think I will have a break even if I am in Shah Alam rite now, because as my Professor once said ~ we are training you guys to become a doctor, so no holiday for you unless you are paralyze. haih..that is life, not fair isn't it..Atleast, my baby sister is coming back due to H1N1..yay!!