I'm Married!

Do you believe in destiny? Orang kata, jika kita sayangkan sesuatu let it go, and if it come back to you that means its yours, if it doesnt that thing is not yours to begin with.

Who would have thought? Maybe some people would say, everybody predicted it Fie, not much of a shock. Truthfully to me, it is still a shock... And yes, I think only after a month that fact started to dawn on me. Hazim is my husband.

From that moment when I asked him repeatedly "Are we just friends?" until he finally confess, till the day he said "Aku terima nikahnya" when everybody else is so used to the idea of us being together. I still cant believe he is mine. That he actually said I love you, Will you marry me?. Often, because of this I guess I pushed him away, cz the idea sometimes felt alien to me. Silly me. But that is just how I feel. 

Sometimes I wonder how things in life happened. Especially when my mind kept on getting a glimpse of that June in 2010 and then I'm married. Felt surreal truthfully, still is. 

So to Hazim, I don't know if you understand how I feel. But for us to get to this point now I think you know how difficult it is. It had taught  me a lot of patience, perseverance and most of all FAITH in Allah swt. Our union, this time it was all in His wills. And I am utterly grateful that you are mine, that a perfect person like you would choose me the most imperfect person. I'm lucky to have you. You are the most caring, thoughtful, loving, understanding, selfless person I know. I LOVE YOU. 

Photography by : Project2pi

My very first Nasi Lemak

Assalammualaikum,

So last Sunday i made nasi lemak. Just wanted to tried it out. Yelaa iollss pun nk test skills iolls jgk. Homagaddd, the nasi lemak ended up jadi nasi lembik, like pulut ok. I dont know what I have done wrong, either terletak lebih air ke. Lebih santan ke iolls pun tak tahu la, iolss kan amatur. So, iolls salahkn beras tu la. Hazim pun layan saje la alasan iolls tu. Aww such a sweet guy he is. So at last, i end up cooking a another batch of nasi lemak. N that one for some reason ended up half-cooked. So i press the cook button again n again till i feel like the rice is fully cook. I was actually very ready if Hazim decided to eat out cz i dont wan us to get diarrhea just by eating my "amatur nasi lemak". Tp he was just so sweet about it, despite my tantrums. He cooked the sausages for me. He even ate the nasi lemak sampai habis n praise me good job for my effort. Ya Allah, seriously what have i done to deserve such sweetness is beyond me. At the end of the day I'm just grateful and very full.

Alhamdullilah

the ingredients that given by my PPK Kak Som upon hearing my plan to cook nasi lemak

The end result :

Our Story Chapter 1 : Nice to meet you

Alhamdullilah...I'm now engaged to my college best friend. It was a joyful event. I've been wanting to write for sometime now, I have been telling Hazim about how much I wanted to blog. I just haven't got the time, I am so caught up with work and wedding preparation. So maybe, I'll be doing a few short posts...InsyaAllah

Love at First Sight

If the title above is what you are looking for, our story is not the one you should be reading. This is a real life story, this isn't a fairy tale, this is definitely not a chocolate coated candy...this is a story about life, fate and destiny. It all started on one fine Tuesday evening, while waiting for the book sales booth to open (I was talking to my friend Jana) came along a fine young man who then said "Are you Syafiqah?" looking straight at Janarisa Mustar May. Upon hearing that, I was ready to make my most subtle exit when Jana answer "No, she is!" pointing straight at me. Darn Jana!...why can't you just lie? Whatever this guy want from me, I don't want anything to do with it. Then he turn to me and said " I'm your mentor, my name is Khairul Hazim. If you have any problem with your studies, you can come and find me"

How was that? can I start a love novel now? *chuckles* If Zatil read this she would say, if you want to write your story Fie, you better be publishing it as a telenovela. Truth is..I first met Hazim personally on 12th July 2005, that was the day he mistaken me for Jana. We've known each other for almost 8 years. Some may have thought we've been together since then. No we don't. He has been nothing more than a really good friend, we have seen each other through bad and good times, tears and laughter...all these things that we went thru are priceless. Through all that, we learn about each other, try to understand each other better, be a better person.

When we first met, I've not imagine that he would be an important person to me. But our friendship make us an important person in each others life. That is how we come together. 

The night of Fireworks

People say, 

Love will never find you if you look for it. But if you stop searching and try to be a better person instead, the right person will find his way to you. 

That is what happen to us. Somewhere in February 2011,we were both tired and sleepy that night, back from a friend's birthday party. I was post Medical call (in HTAR) saying that, you can imagine how sleepy I was. When we reached the car, we noticed his headlights were on! To his horror, his car engine can't start. I was too tired and too sleepy to process any of this...something bout the headlights causing the battery to run out. I made a decision that I just want to sleep. Qistin was already snoozing on the back seat of his car. I'm next, I told myself. But he was persistent to keep me awake. He showed me a few games on his iPhone asking me to play with it. Then, there's the sound of fireworks and also a bunch of "tanglung" in the sky. It was the night of Chap Goh Meh. The view was just beautiful, both of us was just standing by the car awed by the beautiful lights. Then he turn to me and say "You know, everything happened for a reason. Sometimes, things happen so that we can take a pause in our lives and see how wonderful things are around us. Things that we took advantage everyday".  To my amazement he turn to me and say "I sayang you Fie, I sayang you sangat2".  

Me : Me too hazim, you are one of my very best friend.

*me being me, I just had to spoil the moment*

-________-

(that was the first time he ever said it)

Pintaku

Ya Allah, janganlah engkau palingkan aku dari cintaMu. Buatlah aku jatuh cinta berkali-kali terhadapMu Ya Allah. Jauhkan aku dari hasutan dan godaan syaitan dan iblis. Ya Allah pandulah aku ke jalan yg engkau rahmati dan bukanlah jalan yg sesat. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku insan lemah, kuatkan iman ku untuk terus ke jalan mu. Aminn

One year and counting...

this is what i have to deal with... T_T

awww....isn't he sweet <3

Preservation

Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time.... ~ Anonymous

Preservation of things we love. We don't have any control of that. For instance, the other day i was quite sad cz my pearl bracelet was broken, then not long after that some animal pee on my favorite working shoe, then i lose grasp of one of my chunky ring and it hit the floor hard and now its broken. Okay, my examples are shallow, but think about it. You cant preserve anything in your life even if you put it on a pedestal, your parents, your siblings, your partner, or your friends. Nothing can be preserved. One day we all are gonna come back to Him. When people say, not worth risking your life over nothing. What does that mean?

Whatever it is, no matter how hard we try to preserve things, in the end if Allah swt says it happen, it will happen. It doesnt matter we like it or not, or are we ready for it or not. All we have now is time, try to appreciate things while it is still here. Our life for instance, if we throw it away doing sins, saying things like we are still young, save repentance for our old days...what if we die tomorrow, what if we have no strength to repent when we are old? Astagfirullah...forgive me Allah swt for I am so jahil, I am sinful. Doink is very worried whenever I am driving, he always say how he don't want anythg to happen to me, so whenever I'm on the road or in the hospital looking at the MVA victims, I become very scared of driving. But, to think about it rationally..  tawakkal....means we believe in Allah swt, we tried, but we leave it to Him. That is about all that we can do, try our best, which of course in my case I still need a little bit more practice, maybe more before I can really competently drive. But, even that, don't ensure that I will be safe, I still have to pray to Him for protection cause we can never preserve. Its all in Allah swt hands.

I saw a quote in FB the other day it says (sorry it is in Malay) "Apabila gugurnya seorang ibu, maka hilang lah satu kenikmatan di dalam hidup seorang anak, iaitu doa seorang ibu. Jadi jagalah ibu mu sebelum hilangnya kenikmatan untuk beroleh doa ibu" which means when somebody lost his/her mum, he/her will lose one luxury which is the luxury of having his/her mum prayer, so me must take care of our mum before it is too late for us to have the luxury of being in her prayer. In Islam, Mum's prayer are great...after all Jannah is below our mothers feet. That is how high Islam placed their woman, their mum. Since the Parent's day are here, just feel like saying this cause...all of us sometimes do neglect our parents, including me sadly, in our busy days, we able to call our significant other but to call our parents everyday are quite rare. So this is just a reminder, we can't preserve our parents, they are the only parents we have and no body can ever replace them. As a daughter, in Islam...we are the gate opener for Jannah to our father. What we do, it will contributed to his deeds, so does our wrong doings. I ponder for a while the other day, have I done enough to grant my father a Jannah? Have I? or will I be the one to pull him to Hell? Astagfirullah....I'll feel guilty if that is the case, I love my parents too much to picture pulling them to Hell for the sins that I have done. They don't deserve it. They have given me too much. 

Many of us don't realized this, including me. Sad isn't it? We are lost. I want to be a better Muslim for my parents. I don't want to see them suffer. I have to do this for myself, for Allah swt who have given me so much, who have love me so much. And we can't wait, cause time don't wait and we can't preserve things which leads me to the rest of the quote..

......And the best time to love is now..

p/s Lately ni mmg sentimental skit, esp cz thinking that I'm goin to Penang (insyaAllah) living far away from them (furthest I've been) and I havent been spending much time with them. And InsyaAllah if I get married, it will be more impossible to just live with them again. I'm just not ready to let go of that yet, I'm not ready to let go of my parents. I still want to be their little girl.

Sorry if this don't make sense, sometimes I just write to reflect back on myself. This is just what I think so maybe other people don't agree with what I 've said. PEACE :)

Journey that lasts Forever

Relationship is not easy, its joining 2 different person with 2 different personalities, 2 different interest and priorities under one thing. Its something that both of that different people have to work on, always and forever. And it sure look easy, but its not. It takes lots of effort, give and take, sacrifices, understanding. It may be effortless at first, but as these 2 ppl grow and start to have different lives...it will get harder. Yep, obstacles will always be there. But it is up to these two people to handle it through thick and thin, good and bad times, whatever it is it can either make it or break it. I found this video and I think it is kinda interesting.

I always find that its sad when my friends broke up, listening to ppl get divorce and stuff. I always wonder... they used to be so happy, what have gone wrong? what happened? I guess some people call it fate, some people kata takde jodoh...but really, Allah swt have brought you guys together and we all know how much Allah swt don't like us cutting off people from our life, whereas a divorce. Something must have gone wrong somewhere, maybe they start being comfortable, together began to be a routine....which can be a good or a bad thing, maybe they stop trying, start taking each other for granted, maybe things began to feel less exciting. I dunno why. But whatever it is, just like everything around us, if we want it to lasts forever it need to be taken care of, nurtured, and love. Just one of my random posts. Lets us all hope and pray that Allah swt will bless everything beautiful that we have now. Amin <3

Peace ><

* Spread love *

Flashback

I forget what happened, I forget what you did that hurt me so much. But I guess my heart don't, it still remember that tone of voice, the way that you talk to me, it didnt forget how painful it was, how unwanted I was...

What happen to Us?

This phrase of sentence often heard at the end of something (relationship) , when things dun feel the same. Sad isnt it. I thk it is a sad thg when you have to think what have happen to something so beautiful in the start to have caused it crash down to pieces . Gosh, scary... Scary thoughts. I dont even know why it crossed my mind. I want Hazim to always be my bestfriend. Somebody I can confide in. Somebody who understand me better than anyone else. I always want him to be the place I run to for help, support and in time of weakness. I always want him to be the only person who dont judge me and accepted me for who I am. I want him to always be the one who wipe out my tears, hugs me for comfort. Always be my strength. I want him to be the only one I need and the one i want to talk to for hours. I want him to always be the one i longed for, the only one I love. Kinda look like a lot to ask from him. I dun want thgs to change, cz he is my bestest best friend. I always want to have that. I don't want to ever have to ask, what have happened to Us?

Happiness is...

There's no LOVE as perfect as Allah swt. His LOVE is truly unconditional, no matter what race, religion, gender, age, a good or a bad person you are His LOVE is there for you always. He will never let you down, and He will always be within your reach, He will always be there to listen to you, He will always be watching over you.. Isnt he sound like the perfect lover.

Why didn't I see this? Why have I lost my focus to gain your LOVE Ya Allah. When your LOVE is the most perfect. I have lost my sight for awhile, I did thgs that I am shameful of, I might hv trigger your anger, make you sad...Im sorry Ya Allah. I am the most imperfect servant, too ungrateful for all the blessings that I have and yet you never leave my side. Seeing your LOVE, I'm touched, for nobody will ever love me the way you do. In search of happiness, the happiness is Allah swt.

Suara hati

Ya Allah kau percepatkan lah jodoh kami, kau rapatkan dan satu kan hati kami dengan erat dalam ikatan yg tersimpul mati. Semoga kami dapat saling kasih mengasihi, cinta menyintai, memahami, berbelas kasih, tertolak ansur, dan sentiasa menjadi kekasih dan kawan karib yg sempurna kepada satu sama lain. Semoga kami di kurniakan anak2 yg soleh dan solehah, yg dapat saling kasih mengasihi antara satu sama lain dan menjaga kami hingga ke akhir hayat kami. Kau kurniakn lah kebahagiaan kepada kami di dunia dan di akhirat. Jadikn kami diantara hamba2 mu yg beriman. Amin..

Engagement in Islam

Based on teaching that has been all over youtube by Ustaz Azhar Idrus :

Engagement in Islam happen when a boy and a girl agree to get married to one another, even WITHOUT the presence of the girl's parents.

Ok...why I suddenly wanna talk about this topic? Its because, I am not really sure if I and Hazim are engaged in Islam or not. But whatever it is, I don't want to be engaged to him yet. I dun want to be someone fiance unless that someone is really sure that I am the one and that he is ready enough to face my family and his family that he wanted me as his wife. Till then no, no and no. I am not gonna be agreeing in marrying anyone. Macam harsh je cakap macam ni kan. I dunno la why I freaked out sangat about this, I guess after reading an article about it and listening to it myself, I kinda take it seriously....and I don't know why. I don't want to be hurt again, I don't want an arbitrary  thing. I want something real. For once, I want Hazim to be serious, truthful and sincere...I don't mean that he has not but for that one moment. I want it to be special, a moment that I really feel that he faught for me. Like whatever it is that he feel, he is not afraid to put courage, heart and effort and put it forward and feel like he is risking everything to get me.

I don't know why I am doing this but maybe I needed that reassurance. I needed that moment that I  can look back to when I am old and wrinkled and disfigured after multiple labour. That I sed yes to this not just because I love this person very much. But because I am sure that this person love me with all his heart too. Oh gosh, Yes...I am one tiring lady.

Sudden Change

Ok yeah, I've change everything... Just dont feel like myself lately. Like everything that I really feel, I just have to keep it inside. Cause I can't say it out loud as people will take it the wrong way. I just don't want by blog post to be hurtful to people, same applies to my facebook posts/status, twitter etc etc etc. But, sometimes without you realize in order to spare other people's feeling, you are the one end up getting hurt and lose yourself in the process. That's what has happen to me, fear of writing just because I don't want people to misinterpret me. Little did I realize that this is my blog, it is my right and people should respect it.

I just really need sometime to clear my head up. I need to go find myself. Find what really matter to me, cause nothing is...or seem like worth to matter. Time, yes...time is all I need, if only I was that lucky

Déjavu

Sometimes I really wish I could erase memories, hurt, and pain. Sometimes I just really wish I can stop my self from being scared. But, I guess my body have the mind of its own... It remember this feeling... Dang it!! Get over it, its different now...

Day 1 of Little Hands and Feet

Okay so my day don't start off so good. Ntahla...I just feel so lonely la in this department. The log book is so freaking complicated. I'm tagging alone. SUCKS !!! Big time. I still feel like I'm missing Surgery and the familiar faces. I'm missing Doink more and more....I miss to have him pick me up from work on my first day of tagging...listen to me rant and cry and tell me all the good thgs that he have experience in that posting....and I'll go back tired, slightly frustrated but looking forward to everyday.....cz at the end of the day...he is there for me, always. And he will try his best to cheer me up. 

Today, I am eating my cold dinner alone and its raining outside. I wish soooo hard that I have his company now...maybe running away to Penang wasn't such a BAD idea...Gahhh!!! this feeling is killing me...

Anyhoot....just few minutes before I headed back home. I was helping my friend to hold a baby so that they could take his blood. The baby was crying and so it became difficult for us to aspirate his blood. Then I put my little finger *its clean ok, i wash it before I touch the baby* and the baby suck it playfully...and that miraculously make me smile. That baby made my day....  =)

Sentimental much?? nahh...I just love to rant

Ok...come across this song again as my sister was playing Sims Social on Facebook. What is the significance?? Believe it or not...this is the first song that I've debated with Doink when we first met. Hey, no judging...that time I told him how ridiculous I think of the lyrics...and it that if a person want to LEAVE so much they shouldn't be saying 'believe me' so so many times cz it is soooo soooo ANNOYING....but now that I listened to the song again...hahahaha ugys must be thinking that I'll say somethg wise, or meaningful or almost philosophical right?? *cehh budjet philosophical la kunun* no.....anyway...now that I listened to it again...I seriously don't understand what this song is all about. Yeah, can you believe that??? hahahha maybe I've becoming slow in this deep thinking thg....but I have a feeling that Doink just like it because of the beat....Hey, its kinda cool don't u think??  the music beat....make u feel like u wana move your body to it...yeah, sadly I've become that shallow...

Anyway...I'm just being sentimental....looking from where I am right now at who I was back then...I'm just that girl with pimples on my face and metal on my teeth...Yeah, I was not the class beauty...I was not even the most brainy...I am just me...a girl who listened to punk rock...with lyrics that almost always blaming the world and others for the misery that one feel. I will sit at one corner listening to my walkman and reading a good story book. That's me...simple. I'm not that girl anymore...I don't really know who I am...I am a houseman...sometimes I love what I do sometimes I don't. I've lost passion on those thgs that I like or may be I should say my passion have change???  I really don't know... I love looking at fashion nowadays...looking at how people dressed up and stuff...find it really interesting....like fashion symbolizes character...Mind you...I am not talking bout the runways, latest trends and what not...I am talking bout people who dressed up whatever way they wish to, they are not like those stuck up bimbos whose addicted to the latest trends...they are just normal ppl who dressed up matching to their personalities and wear it with such elegance and confidence that you just can't stop staring...I adore these kinda people, I find them interesting. Make me remember that to be beautiful is not about looking like someone other ppl think is beautiful....it is about being who you are and embrace yourself...

I am outta topic again...I don't even know what is the topic..haha I just love to rant and since I have so much energy to rant...I will now continue....The other day Doink was telling me that he thinks my favourite band EVERRrr is Rascal Flats!!! hahaha...owhh kay that's funny....I'm not that pathetic kay...no offence I do love country music...but not all of them....besides...My all time favourite is Lifehouse!!!! can never get tired of listening to Hanging by the moment or You and Me... and well their last album *not so new actually* help me go thru some pretty tough times but apparently Doink think Lifehouse is borink...and he likes Queen...yeah, we managed to DEEP talk this time he came back...feels nice...since we don't get to talk much due to this  long distance thg but we are both coping. Life is all about learning right....every nanosecond we are learning...it all depends on your willingness to learn or not...that's all.

sape lagi cute I ke En. Doink??

i know...we are both cute...ahaha *mode perasan nak mampos*

Handsome boy  (>_<)v

Anyhoot...I managed to go back to my hometown Johor for Eid-ul Adha....yeah, we visited Tuk Ayah's grave. I've forgotten...He is gone now...He is not in Johor anymore. I won't be able to see him anymore and for some people more than the other the impact is probably more....Its sad to listened to Tuk Mak's painful voice, from her tone...I know she is hurting....her bestfriend is gone...She got married to Tuk Ayah at the age of 11 years old. Yeah, u got that right....when you are still playing house...my Tuk Mak has become a wife. She practically have lived with Tuk Ayah all her life. I can't imagine how she is going to go thru day after day without him...her place to cry, her place to pour her thoughts and hearts to, her everythg......I can only hope and pray that Allah swt give her strength....I miss him you know, his laugh, his neverending advise...tho some people might thk that he membebel...he only say thgs that is relevant....he doesn't make ppl feel annoyed by what he said...everytime he said somethg ppl will really listened....i especially miss his smile... Dear Tuk Ayah, I hope he is placed amongst those who is blessed by Allah swt....the only thg that's left is his memories and words...He said, kalau ada kesempatan...jangan tinggal solat duha dan solat tahajjut....mmg liat diri ni utk buat kebaikkan...tapi akan di usahakan...Moga Allah swt permudahkan...Aminn

kalau kami dah mengila mcm ni la jadinyeee

ok muke budjet cute yg tak boleh bla.....mmg dah tembam kan??? thks kat En. McD =)

Kenduri Magnum =D

Till next time...toodles~

Wish me luck in Peads!!!!

Goodbye Surgery...IMY

gonna miss this group so much!!! missed out diana...hehehh

*~Life is good ~*

4 min and 50 s in 78 freaking hours

Today I just feel that LONG DISTANCE....REALLY SUCK!!!!!!

I call you back, didnt I?

Cinta 359 km

People say distance can really put the relationship to a test...it is true. We dun get that much time to spend on each other lately...phn call and msges are our only way of communicating with each other. And when you are used to seeing each other every single day, this is quite a big change and a challenge....but I find... every single time that he is back from Penang, I can't help having this happy tingling feeling. So, those moments become more precious...tho I would really love to have him here or be there with him. It will be so much easier n better but you know what they say...when relationship is put into a test it can either make it or break it. I do hope I and Doink will make it. I do hope Allah swt will give us strength to go thru this, I hope He will give us patience...one day insyaAllah...everythg will be much2 easier than we will treasure it even more because we've live through these tough times <3

These are cute :)

its true

I do hope these little thgs able to make u happy

Now, Forever and Always <3

<3 Khairul Hazim <3

PJJ

Penang

My other half is in Penang. Haihhhh seryesly need distractions...