Engagement in Islam

Based on teaching that has been all over youtube by Ustaz Azhar Idrus :

Engagement in Islam happen when a boy and a girl agree to get married to one another, even WITHOUT the presence of the girl's parents.

Ok...why I suddenly wanna talk about this topic? Its because, I am not really sure if I and Hazim are engaged in Islam or not. But whatever it is, I don't want to be engaged to him yet. I dun want to be someone fiance unless that someone is really sure that I am the one and that he is ready enough to face my family and his family that he wanted me as his wife. Till then no, no and no. I am not gonna be agreeing in marrying anyone. Macam harsh je cakap macam ni kan. I dunno la why I freaked out sangat about this, I guess after reading an article about it and listening to it myself, I kinda take it seriously....and I don't know why. I don't want to be hurt again, I don't want an arbitrary  thing. I want something real. For once, I want Hazim to be serious, truthful and sincere...I don't mean that he has not but for that one moment. I want it to be special, a moment that I really feel that he faught for me. Like whatever it is that he feel, he is not afraid to put courage, heart and effort and put it forward and feel like he is risking everything to get me.

I don't know why I am doing this but maybe I needed that reassurance. I needed that moment that I  can look back to when I am old and wrinkled and disfigured after multiple labour. That I sed yes to this not just because I love this person very much. But because I am sure that this person love me with all his heart too. Oh gosh, Yes...I am one tiring lady.

Reading. The Beginning

Assalammualaikum....

OK...I think it is time for me to start blogging...

Truthfully, I've been doing a lot of reading lately and knowing me a lot of reading will result in a lot of thinking. With that thinking, lets just say...I kinda look at myself in a different perception, and truthfully...I am not proud of myself. I am ashamed of the person that I have become. Yes, I have everything....love, family, health, youth, career and wealth is not an issue although I'm not a billionaire...but yes, I have every reason to be happy and content...and I am. But, I'm lost in this thing called 'Dunya'. Yerp, most of us probably don't realize this...but we do/did this every once in a while. We are lost is something temporary...we put this temporary thing as our priority and they kinda rule our life and makes us forget that one day we all gonna die...and our end destiny are heaven or hell.

Well, I know saying all this can appear somewhat depressing..... grim as most would say. Truthfully, it doesnt have to be, if we truly understand what life really means...all this thing that we are worried of...money, career, love life, etc etc etc...they are all temporary...it is just a reminder from Allah swt that He is there, and all that we really need to do all our life is actually...LOVE HIM and be true to him...InsyaAllah our temporary problems will be settle. All that happen to us is actually a sign that Allah swt LOVE us. His LOVE is perfect. And I, ashamed as I am know that I have to change.... a lot. There's still a lot that I have to do to be a better muslim, I have to improve a lot to be back in His right path again.

The path of whom You have granted blessings, those who are neither subject to Your anger nor have gone astray ~ Al- Fatihah : 7

Yup, I have to change...but change have to be taken slowly in order for it to really be long lasting, so I am taking one step at a time...Please pray that I'll be able to change into someone better.

Surah Al- Alaq Verses 1-19

(Muhammad), read in the name of your Lord who created (all things). He created man from a clot of blood. Recite! Your Lord is the most Honorable One, who, by the pen, taught the human being : He taught the human being what he did not know. Despite this, the human being still tends to rebel because he thinks that he is independent.

However, (all things) will return to your Lord. Have you seen the one who prohibits a servant of Ours from prayer? What will happen if the praying person is rightly guided or if he commands others to maintain piety!? What will happen if the prohibiting rejects the Truth and turns away from it? Does he not realize that Allah swt sees him?

Let him know that if he does not desist, We shall certainly drag him by his forelocks, his lying sinful forelock. Let him call his associates for help and We too will call the stern and angry keepers of hell.

(Muhammad), never yield to him! Prostrate yourself and try to come closer to Allah swt*

Wassalam

Sudden Change

Ok yeah, I've change everything... Just dont feel like myself lately. Like everything that I really feel, I just have to keep it inside. Cause I can't say it out loud as people will take it the wrong way. I just don't want by blog post to be hurtful to people, same applies to my facebook posts/status, twitter etc etc etc. But, sometimes without you realize in order to spare other people's feeling, you are the one end up getting hurt and lose yourself in the process. That's what has happen to me, fear of writing just because I don't want people to misinterpret me. Little did I realize that this is my blog, it is my right and people should respect it.

I just really need sometime to clear my head up. I need to go find myself. Find what really matter to me, cause nothing is...or seem like worth to matter. Time, yes...time is all I need, if only I was that lucky

Urgh

MODE : tak ske tgk blog sendiri..kbye!

Sweetie

Seriously feel so hurt tonight, if i am being childish. Fine, i try not to. But why do you always assume me as if u know me so well. Say things that is hurting my feeling even more. Dejavu dejavu dejavu... My heart cant take this. Erase !

Year 2012 : START NOW

Salam....

So, New Year update....To tell you the truth I can't remember what I did on New Year Eve's or New Year last year.. But on the last night of 2011, I was working on my night shift in Peadiatric Ward 6C. As the clock nearing 12am I was actually trying to catch a nap...but my mind is deep in memories of all the things that I have done in 2011 that I don't even remember when actually that I fall asleep....As I woke up, there was already fireworks in the background...Yes, true enough 2012 is here, clock shows 0005 H...I did not managed to watch the fireworks this year..it had died off the moment I reached the window...Anyway, that is not what concerned me...What was running thru my mind was "What kind of a person that I've become in 2011? Have I become better or have I actually managed to become worst". That question I think lies between me and Allah swt.

Pondering at 2011, definitely I have gone thru a lot....but, my support system are always there for me. Feel truly blessed. I found love this year. Being in a relationship and start being in a long distance not long after that. Definitely have thought me to be more patient, understanding and learnt to live alone without anyone to count on 24/7. I learn to make friends and accept the people that i used to not like. I learnt to forget the past and try my best to make the best of present. I've lost my grandfather. Being stepped by the people I trust. Truly, one thing I definitely has achieved this year is the will to let go and have faith in whatever Allah swt has planned for me. Alhamdullillah, I am still here. I am still blessed with health, happiness and love. I have everythg that I ever wanted. My life, as imperfect as it is.... is truly perfect. Alhamdullilah....hopefully, Allah swt will still gv me his blessings, and give me courage to overcome whatever that might happen in the future. I definitely have to try harder to be a better Muslim in the future.

Looking back at my 2011 Resolutions :

1. I want to be a better servant to Allah swt
2. To be a better daughter, sister, friend, doctor and person
3. To find myself that special someone....if Allah wills it... I think the time is right already ;)
4. To be able to fly thru all of my posting smoothly
5. To take better care of my health and savings

Truthfully, I can't say I've achieve most of the things 100%, because certain things have to be a continuous process...like I would carry forward No.1, No.2 and No.4 in 2012. As I already found that special someone..Alhamdullilah....I would now hope that our jodoh di percepatkan. Benda baik tak baik ditangguh2 kan?... lagi pun if we continue like this akan bertambah dosa je. Hmmm *Muhasabah diri*. I also hope that I will be less shopaholic this year cz now I will start paying for my car. Yerp, finally getting myself a car after oh-so-long.....huhu ^^

I also have to really take care of my health, eat healthily and exercise more. I also definitely have to cut down on luxury and save moreee moolahh. TEEHEE!!

WELCOME 2012

Expecting nothing less from this year, hope it will be a much greater year than a year before. Whatever experience it have install for me, hopefully will make me a better person to Allah swt and the people around me.

Happy 2012 people!!!

~take care~