Madhouse

How's life lately? Life is a mad house....

Medical is a madhouse....

I'm starting medical full gear in 8B (male general medical ward)....just crazy. In HTAR, we have ventilated patient in our own ward itself. Yes people, we have our very own ICU in the ward!!!! It's crazy. So, our subacute cubicle is actually an acute cubicle in another hospital since our acute has become our very own ICU. I'm seryesly tired lah...tired of taking blood, tired of running, tired of writing, tired of pt complaining............tired of clerking, tired of inserting branula................seryesssslyyyyy..................................................i'm tireddddddd. Since this is my blog, I'm allowed to say this again and again.....I'm tireddddddddddddddddddddddddddd. All I think about is sleep, food dun bother me so much anymore, I have been working without lunch for almost 2 weeks now despite all the climbing up and down the 8th floor. Soon I'll be losing my boobs and butts...uwaaaaaaaaaaaa this job is turning me into an ugly woman seryeslyyy.....and I'll be doin my FIRST medical call on MONDAY!!! I am damn scared..........seryes scared of wat will happen.....please YA ALLAH....may everything just be okay.....gimme strength, courage and spirit to face all of this life obstacles YA ALLAH....for I do it only for you.....

Hey Light...

you are new, you are simple and easy....
you are not complicated....
you shine directly at what u yearn for.... =)

JuSt A dReaM

i just love this video, this song...

have to say, this time the original singer lose

alien world

I cannot bare it lah...I'm just so sad....with work, with life...i hate! Tonight I just can't stop crying.....

*depress*

Hey Past....

you are gonna hurt me again, aren't you?

my SECRET

truthfully.....bila tgk org kawen, org mengandung, beranak (tho terasa sgt takut), and tgk org pegi mana2 bawak hubby and baby.....I pun terasa like i want it too. Like...eeii, mesti seronok kan, diorang nampak happy jer....tho i know, truth is...having family mane de easy...susah kowt. nak jaga suami, jaga anak...nak jaga diri sendiri. tapi tak kisahla....cz they look so complete. so settled.....for some reason the feeling of having all that to me, is nice. anyways......tho i ckp about all this, who are we kidding...to have all that, i have to have the feeling to love, to trust, to care about those XYs, we all know that i'm not very keen of all that. I'm still not very keen to open up my heart and I'm quite happy being in a secure situation that i'm now....oh well, i guess let's just let the time and destiny decide....

Stop Talking

seriously stop....

you don't know what i have to go thru....n no matter what..... you will never understand...

talking to you about it is pointless...cz it is like talking to a wall. all i get is annoyance....i am annoyed with you ppl  talking about me, my life..... as if you guys know about it so well.....let me get one thg straight. you ppl don't! you don't know what i have to go thru. you don't know me or my life to comment, judge or even have any opinion about it. and if you have....i seryesly dun freaking care. cz its mine.....my life that you ppl know nothg about or even have the slightest idea of wats goin on....and for sum reason ur opinion bout my life is not important. n i am tired listening to u ppl telling me what to feel, what to do, and how i shud be behaving.......cz u ppl duno how i really feel.....seryesly dun. so keep the talk to ur self. cz i just dun wana hear anythg anymore.......cz i just dun care, i dun freaking care about anythg seryesly...thgs that you thk is a problem, to me is just smthg so little to even be remembered. so insignificant to even be talk about......so just save it, save all the talk. truth is.....other than sleep, eat, pray and me time......i just dun care bout anythg else.....n that is the ugly truth.....

Quoted by

Boy : If you are busy working, you will be too busy to even feel any emotions, think about it or indulge in it.

Girl  : When you are busy....you will be missing everyone....

now can you see where the problem came from?

medical ohh y???

Hari nie just rasa disappointed lah...
sedih, alone, geram....mostly just disappointed....

3rd day in medical, I already do discharge summaries, refer patient to IJN, do an insulin chase, diagnosed an obstructive jaundice that even specialist missed, clerk a nephro case, managed hyper and hypokalaemia, ....seriously medical is a crazy department. not to mention...the specialist in charge ended every sentence with "you will be extended" during the briefing. I hope i will just pass the written exam la...no viva. I dun want to go for viva. I hope I can....my only motivation now is that I kept on reminding myself that it is only 4 months...i hope i will just survive....i hope i won't get extended. I can't even go back and celebrate raya Aidiladha with my family this year. I am just so sad lahh...

I noticed few things in medical....

- the ho always drink 100plus

- no body care bout other ppl pt

- everybody is busy with their own pt to even noe wat is goin on in the ward

- no body will help u muchh...but expect u to help them
- i hate tagging in medical
- i hate medical

p/s: just very sad day, more sad because u realize.....no body really care....

My Lovely Cuppy Cakes

Mr. Cool!!

Last day of holiday

I'm really not sure lah at which state of Elizabeth Kubler Ross theory I am right now....maybe it is nearing the acceptance. I've called my future HO leader, just finished wrapping my log book....(yeah, I actually wrapped it!!! even O&G dun get such nice treatment). I also baked cupcakes today.....thinking of frosting it after Zuhur. Will definitely post how it looks like. Now, tgkla while waiting for solat Zuhur nie...ingat nak kemas baju.  

Hmm...I havent studied much, basicly bace old notes je.....I better move, not much time left...

btw, after recent incident.....i'll never buy anythg online again....

Quoted by

It is a curious thing in human experience, but to live through a period of stress and sorrow with another person creates a bond which nothing seems able to break.

~Eleanor Roosevelt 

i really wish that u will be there for me this time around

Message Box

I'm pretty sure my message box has been spam...DARN!!!!! who's the hell are all these people???

P.R.O.D.U.C.T.I.V.E......NOT!!!!!

I've been so ridiculous one whole day yesterday, feeling depressed over sumthing that hasn't happen yet. I guess I'm just scared, nervous, sad, SCARED, NERVOUS, SCARED!!!! owhh...i've sed that already...I guess certain things we just can't runaway from. Whatever it is...we have to face it, sooner or later....some people say its better if it is sooner. haihhh I guess....

Alhamdullilah....

My misery....means that I've passed my first posting Obgyn, I'm really grateful and relief that I've managed to get thru Obgyn (supposedly to be one of the hardest posting, but i dun really thk so). I'm already missing Obgyn...I'll definitely miss delivering babies....owhh god wen will I ever get the chance again. But we have got to move on....the only constant thg in life is change rite? So now....I'm moving on to Medical Posting, Hopefully I'll have a smooth sailing 4 months....I'm scared of what awaits, but I also noe that I have to learn...this is another step for me to learn how a be strong, matured, independent women and most of all a doctor. I'm goin to be 24 soon right? Well, about time I learn depend on nobody else other than myself.

Yeah about one month from now...it will be my 24th Birthday....traumatic? yes? no? ntahla...I have to say that I am not expecting anything. I just hope that I'll remain happy, I hope I'll always have the ppl that I love here wif me. I hope things will work out alright. I dun expect any present or celebration truthfully because I can still remember what happened last year. It was pretty bad and very very hurtful...not too mention. So its better that I have nothg  this year...cz at least dreams and hope won't be crashing down once the truth is out. Prevention is always better than cure right? Eventho things have definitely change these past 4 months....life is almost perfect. But, watever that has happen is still fresh in my mind like it was just yesterday...I'm not one who hold grudges, but I'm being careful....in this case, I better be.

For my end posting holiday, I and mira went for a little road trip to Penang.....it was nice, tho i tak dapat mandi laut which is a very disappointing  thing to have happen. But it was nice nonetheless....kinda like our own Eat Pray Love version....but in our case it is EAT PRAY SHOPPING!!!!  =)

Penang!!!

the oldest school in Malaysia

with Francis Light the statue

BOM!!!

Love Lane...hehe schweeeettt!

 Masjid Negeri

 Naik Beca...

the Beach...

and most importantly...

char kuey tiaw and laksa penang!!!

yum...yumm

that is the end of my trip

glad to be spending it with this lady

thanks Mira! I had a nice time...hopefully we can have another Road Trip soon!!!

so anyway...yeah somebody asked me to do smthing productive to take my mind off things....after this i need to do house chores, do groceries shopping, maybe bake cupcakes...weee...heheh...I seriously need a lot of luck people....do pray that i can get thru this no problem. I seriously dun understand why I am so scared...but I am. I want to be stronger than this. Mimi sed I dun need luck, I have guts....i pun dun understand la wat she means by that. But I have to fight this!!!!! Yooossshhaaaa!!! Fight Fight Fie!!!!

Wish me luck!! Pray for me people =)

Goodnight Goodnight

i feel lonely tonight...hearing this song just making things worst!!