a moment of disappointment

it really breaks my heart.....watching you doing the things that you do, knowing what you said to people.....it breaks my heart. it breaks my heart that it seems like you forgot that i have one, that you seem to forget what my heart feel matters. it breaks my heart so much that the bad memories is flooding back...and all that matters about you seem worthless....

Eid' Mubarak Delayed Post (2010)

Life takes shape depending on how you look at it....like a glass half empty can also be seen as a glass half full. Yeah...cliche, so i heard. But its true, I mean God Almighty Allah....Tuhan Yang Maha Adil, di dalam dugaan Dia akan berikan kebahagiaan....cuma terpulanglah kepada kita untuk menilai yg manakah yg hendak kita beratkan. Most people (including me sometimes) tend to think  a lot about the bad things in life, forgetting about all the good things. Though if you ask me.....i think we have equal number of good and bad things in life.     Truthfully, I always thought like I am stuck in Klang, I am not moving on, like I will always be in that static position....up to a point yg I feel I just wanna quit and get away from everythg. I regret not reapplying to Kajang, though I know seryesly Hospital Kajang tu quite teruk. I miss home so much...I miss home everyday. I miss having ppl to hug me wen I had a bad day, I just feel like being in someone's arm, crying my heart out at someone's shoulder. Home has felt like my heaven on earth. I seryesly miss my ummi and ayah.....I thk I've become more manja n mengada2 lately nie....i pun tak paham..maybe its the mid twenties crisis. I still have a lot to learn la wen it comes to bein an adult. Still adapting to adult life...it hard.

Saying all that will actually made me sound so ungrateful...if I were to list down all the good things in my life right now. Because the reality is...I am really blessed and lucky person. I have so many nice sweet people around me. Like on the 3rd day of raya...I have to do morning review, a friend of mine who is post call btw send me back to Kajang though she lived in Subang. I mean, who does that? She is not even my bestfriend, we hardly knew each other, I only went out with her once to watch 'Grown ups' and shopping. So sweet rite? I am seryesly blessed, I always get help no matter what. I am lucky in that sense. Not to mention, in Klang there are 2 of my bestfriend there to be there for me no matter what. Though I am a bit of a drama queen, they are always there. I still have time to hangout with them. I get to see them almost every week. If I am in Kajang, only God knows wen we'll be able to spend time with each other. Though I am far from family, I still managed to go back at least 2 weeks once. Truthfully, though HTAR felt like a bad choice altogether considering it is situated in a ghetto city, the work politics there are overwhelming n the ppl there are beyond bitchy.....maybe Hazim was right, it is the right place to be for now. I had fun learning how to be a doctor there...working life is kinda exciting. I can't wait to learn how to properly do a scan on pregnant mothers n be posted in the labour room. 

Next week, I'll be posted in 2A a ward that is conquered by an ice-queen and her annoying little pest. I seryesly don't ever wanna be posted in that ward....but it is just something that everybody have got to go thru. So, please do pray for me.....hopefully I'll survive all the torture or just maybe.....the ice-queen "might" like me...hehehhhh besar btol cita2 tuh...huhuhu

This is the pic of my whole family on my paternal side (minus my Kak Aida and Abg Sarimi cz they spend the raya in Kelantan).

so happy to hv gathered everyone together like this

This raya I dah start bagi duit raya...adehhh felt so old lah.....dah tak boleh dah join my bro n sis kira2 duit raya sapa yg paling bnyak...huhuhu.....Yesterday, I dapat jumpa anak-anak my cousins yg sgt2 comel  tuh...seryesly lepas tension after dapat main2 dgn diorang. So yeah, with all that being sed, guess life are not that bad. Infact...I am very blessed by Allah swt....Alhamdullilah....I hope happiness will find its way to me soon. =))) *wishing hard*

ummi and ayah...one day i hope to find what ugys have found in each other

 yeah...we are adorable...i know *winks*

That's all for now....Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin

Hope that ugys will have a great Aidilfitri wherever you are.

Love. Eat and Pray...haha yeah I can't wait to watch that movie =)


<3

a moment

sometimes......i feel like i'm stuck in a limbo just waiting for somebody to just pull my hand and get me outta that depressingly numb place....

This gimme a great LAUGH today

sooooo GAY!!!!

ello...long time no see huh?!?

I actually have A LOT to blog about. This is the last day of my off day...goshhh....off days are never enough for me. Truthfully, I did not use this one to the very best of my ability......I feel that  most of my time are wasted....which is why I am practically slamming all the keys on this keyboard right now hoping that this entry wont take such a very long time. Life of working is okay, I mean well...I don't particularly like it, I have lost my passion to work really, but I still want to do my best in everything I do. That is the least that I can do anyway, if I don't like doing it....better to at least.... make it right. Yeah, that is how I think right now. Disappointing ain't it? Oh well, working in Klang sucks, with time......I have learnt to just go to work without any feeling, do my job and go home. I am deteriorating. I know!!!!! SOS!!!! SOS!!!! 

On my journey back to Kajang, Hazim told me about all his future plans....about wanting to take his MRCP, see the world....work his ass off till he gets loads of money and come back to be a lecturer in UiTM. I mean, I used to have all that...those dreams...continuing my studies with MRCOG or masters in OBGyn, considering I am a bit deficit on the financial area....return to UiTM and teach. That used to be my dream....I wonder what happen to all that. Where is my PASSION??? Truthfully, I love OBGyn, still do......I feel connected with the patients, I LOVE to hear their stories. They share tips with me about pregnancy and stuff, I am really interested to hear all of their stories and worries, as a BONUS, i can play with their babies......the babies are just wonderful little things....they smile in their sleep, blow bubbles from their mouth....goshh! I really LOVE babies. Sometimes, I feel like wanting one of my own too, maybe one day...when I found the right guy. 

I think goin to work, the best thing about it is that, I always felt trilled when I am stitching ppl...currently, all I am stitching are vagina....but seriously, I like it. I like stitching ppl, see my work when its done. It is just exciting....especially when I managed to sew up the hymen together, its like giving the poor lady her virginity back. Its a nice feeling. Okay, before I make all ugys puke out there....I would like to stress it here that the best thing about working are the patients, i feel happy when they smile at me, thank me though I think I hadn't done anythg much for them, have them telling me that I am pretty on my post call days, though I haven't showered since 5pm the day before. Yeahh, I noe quite a shallow statement, but these little thgs kinda become the kinda things that left you smiling for the rest of that suckky day where your boss is giving you a hard time like not wanting to sign ur assessment paper and all that. Yeah S is the the most hateful person I have ever met, not only she is a money sucker monster....she is also a meannnnnn person!!! I just really hate her la. I feel so unlucky to be posted in her ward. 

Anyway...enough about work.....I was browsing the net yesterday....and I found these....

okay, what about this video.....two of the members of this band is actually my colleague....Andrew Yap (on drum) and Tan Hiang Liang (on bass). Seriously, it is quite funny to noe this, but I have to say their song are nice! I especially like this one.....called Bidadari

So, what do you guys think??

Haha...i think I should ask them to give me an autograph one of these days...haha things that you found on the internet. Pretty amazing huh?!?

What have I been up to.....hmm lets see, other than stalking the internet like nobody's business. I have been watching Parenthood Season 1 for one whole day yesterday, pretty touching story...leaving me feeling that I am not ready yet to be anyone parent. Parenting is a big responsibility and tiring. I am quite glad that I am still single actually, cz that mean that I can be selfish. I am allowed to think only about myself, I can use all of my free time as "ME" time. no obligations, no ONCALL at home, no crying babies at night needing nappy change or to be given milk or anythg like that. So I guess, right now....being single is a BLISS considering I am struggling to adjust to this whole housemanship thing anyway. I guess, Allah swt knows best....I am just grateful at how things are right now. Like a wise friend sed to me the other day....you have a lot going for you,  now..all you need to do is take things one step at a time...

oh fyi, i LOVE the Parenthood series <3

What else....oh yeah!! I'm like really craving for ice cream right now....the other day, my bestfriends and I went to this new place in front of Sekolah Yu Hua called the Ice-Room, their ice-creams are soooo nice!!! I can't stop thinking about it....I wana eat those AGAIN!!!! 

looks nice right??? 

here have some! ^^v

custard pudding

spagetti...yum yum...but subha sed it is not so nice....she added chili sauce to it...hehe

At the end of the day, I am just really glad to be able to hangout with these old folks...they are crazy ppl I tell you...but they are my bestfriends!!! Meeting them makes me feel that I am still sane despite of all the stresses that I get everyday. Wish we can hangout like this even wen we are in our 50's or 80's or 100's hahahh.....I MISS you gurls.....wish Mirae and Jenny was there too. 

I think that is all for this weekend, will try to blog more often....tho I think most of my precious time would be spend on sleeping, eating, dreaming and lazing at home...yeah I sounded like a FAT tabby cat....OBESE to be more specific haha....very sedentary lifestyle I am living right now, I am in a process of changing it pretty soon. Planning to start doin Pilates again...just finding the time to start. So anyway, Happy 53rd Independence Day Malaysia!!! I am proud to be living in this country....the Ramadhan is goin to an end soon....so all the Muslims selamat mengerjakan Ibadah puasa...may us all get hidayah and blessings from HIM. I hope I dapat cuti raya.....hehe better go now...Bye!! Till next time lovely people =)

ok

i am officiallyyyy bored..............