my dear

stop hurting me with every word you say.....truth is, i'm the one you love, i'm the one you miss, i'm the one you are too afraid to lose.....you don't know how it is to be in love, because....truth is everyday....you are already in love......it is too common, to easy, too peaceful...till you failed to noticed it. Soften your heart my dear, open it widely...open your eyes....you are in love with me.

life aren't roses

then there's this one person that makes you want to love forever

It's the Day

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I am a Zombie

Finally a day off after working 31 hours straight with no sleep in between. Meredith Grey are not kidding when she said doctors are the people who are proud to be walking in their sleep.

Muharram 1432

I've forgotten the first most important essence to being happy. And that is being comfortable in being yourself.  Comfortable in being honest and true.  So what if I am not a good student?. So what I am still trying to be a good doctor?. A doctor is not born...they are polished. So what if half of the time....I'm not sure of what I'm doing, I'll ask, I'll learn.....and soon....hopefully I will know what I'm doing. Truthfully, I can't stand being a doctor. I don't like the fact that my weekend have to be sacrifice forever. I don't like the fact that I have to do on call, in which a patient might collapse..and I will be alone to manage the situation. I don't like the fact that everyday... I am predisposing myself to infections. I don't like the fact that people don't really appreciate whatever that I do. I don't like to hear them complaining. I don't like anythg!!!! I hate it. I hate this job. I am doing this for who? Endangering myself for who? Of cause, it is quite interesting to be able to do those procedures....able to take blood from dorsalis pedis, chest tube, cvp and all that. I find it interesting. But I don't think I am ready for all this.

 I hate going to work. I want my weekend back. I want to be able to sleep without having to worry whether or not I've done a good job at work today, that tomorrow... I'll find my patient still alive. I want to be able to have fun without thinking that I've to do calls. I want to be able to eat lunch without feeling that there still so many thgs left to do in the ward. I want to go on a holiday at anytime that I want without having to look at the time table whether or not I have calls, or am i having assessment and all that. I like organize and structured things. I don't like when things suddenly get out of hand. Which is just impossible....with this job, anything could happen.....Last night, before I went to sleep, I was thinking so hard on which specialty I should pursue so that I have a balanced, organized and structured evironment......I think hard and suddenly Radiology came into the picture. I do really love ObGyn, I do! I still miss being in that department. But, oh well....I dunno.

Oh yeah! So what if I don't know a thing about football. So what if I don't know that an offside happen when the player received the ball in an offside position, a position in which he is nearer to  the opponent's goal compared to the opposition themselves. So what if i can't tell the difference between a direct and indirect free-kick or name all the 14 players of Argentina. So what? I still can like football, I still can watch it 90 minutes straight....I can still have the spirit of World Cup. Because it is an interesting time where everybody around the world come together to watch a game. It is an amazing thing, and it's fun to be part of it!

I'm seriously sick of playing games too, especially the game of love. I don't want to date many guys....I just want to date one. Its either you want me or you don't want me. That's all. I'm really not the girl who is shadowed by insecurities anymore. I am hardly jealous. I judge people by the thing that they do to me and the way they portray themselves to me . Talk don't really get to me. Talk are cheap. So cheap....people can talk without even realize what they were saying. Yeah, that is how cheap it is.

With all that being said, starting from now...i don't care anymore....I don't care what you think. Whatever that I said....that is me. I don't need to cut my hair short again to prove that myself is mine.

On this new year.....I just hope that I'll get a new hope....I hope this year there will be a new twist to life. I want to be a better Muslim. I wish I can be a good doctor. I just hope that my life will always be under Allah The Most Merciful care and love. May Allah bless me and the people that I love always....Salam Maal Hijrah...

Meant to be

if it is meant to be........it will not be this hard

December..month of heart break and disappointment

its December, and I thought you've change ur colour.......oh well, i guess you are still the same...disappointment

Madhouse

How's life lately? Life is a mad house....

Medical is a madhouse....

I'm starting medical full gear in 8B (male general medical ward)....just crazy. In HTAR, we have ventilated patient in our own ward itself. Yes people, we have our very own ICU in the ward!!!! It's crazy. So, our subacute cubicle is actually an acute cubicle in another hospital since our acute has become our very own ICU. I'm seryesly tired lah...tired of taking blood, tired of running, tired of writing, tired of pt complaining............tired of clerking, tired of inserting branula................seryesssslyyyyy..................................................i'm tireddddddd. Since this is my blog, I'm allowed to say this again and again.....I'm tireddddddddddddddddddddddddddd. All I think about is sleep, food dun bother me so much anymore, I have been working without lunch for almost 2 weeks now despite all the climbing up and down the 8th floor. Soon I'll be losing my boobs and butts...uwaaaaaaaaaaaa this job is turning me into an ugly woman seryeslyyy.....and I'll be doin my FIRST medical call on MONDAY!!! I am damn scared..........seryes scared of wat will happen.....please YA ALLAH....may everything just be okay.....gimme strength, courage and spirit to face all of this life obstacles YA ALLAH....for I do it only for you.....

Hey Light...

you are new, you are simple and easy....
you are not complicated....
you shine directly at what u yearn for.... =)

JuSt A dReaM

i just love this video, this song...

have to say, this time the original singer lose

alien world

I cannot bare it lah...I'm just so sad....with work, with life...i hate! Tonight I just can't stop crying.....

*depress*

Hey Past....

you are gonna hurt me again, aren't you?

my SECRET

truthfully.....bila tgk org kawen, org mengandung, beranak (tho terasa sgt takut), and tgk org pegi mana2 bawak hubby and baby.....I pun terasa like i want it too. Like...eeii, mesti seronok kan, diorang nampak happy jer....tho i know, truth is...having family mane de easy...susah kowt. nak jaga suami, jaga anak...nak jaga diri sendiri. tapi tak kisahla....cz they look so complete. so settled.....for some reason the feeling of having all that to me, is nice. anyways......tho i ckp about all this, who are we kidding...to have all that, i have to have the feeling to love, to trust, to care about those XYs, we all know that i'm not very keen of all that. I'm still not very keen to open up my heart and I'm quite happy being in a secure situation that i'm now....oh well, i guess let's just let the time and destiny decide....

Stop Talking

seriously stop....

you don't know what i have to go thru....n no matter what..... you will never understand...

talking to you about it is pointless...cz it is like talking to a wall. all i get is annoyance....i am annoyed with you ppl  talking about me, my life..... as if you guys know about it so well.....let me get one thg straight. you ppl don't! you don't know what i have to go thru. you don't know me or my life to comment, judge or even have any opinion about it. and if you have....i seryesly dun freaking care. cz its mine.....my life that you ppl know nothg about or even have the slightest idea of wats goin on....and for sum reason ur opinion bout my life is not important. n i am tired listening to u ppl telling me what to feel, what to do, and how i shud be behaving.......cz u ppl duno how i really feel.....seryesly dun. so keep the talk to ur self. cz i just dun wana hear anythg anymore.......cz i just dun care, i dun freaking care about anythg seryesly...thgs that you thk is a problem, to me is just smthg so little to even be remembered. so insignificant to even be talk about......so just save it, save all the talk. truth is.....other than sleep, eat, pray and me time......i just dun care bout anythg else.....n that is the ugly truth.....

Quoted by

Boy : If you are busy working, you will be too busy to even feel any emotions, think about it or indulge in it.

Girl  : When you are busy....you will be missing everyone....

now can you see where the problem came from?

medical ohh y???

Hari nie just rasa disappointed lah...
sedih, alone, geram....mostly just disappointed....

3rd day in medical, I already do discharge summaries, refer patient to IJN, do an insulin chase, diagnosed an obstructive jaundice that even specialist missed, clerk a nephro case, managed hyper and hypokalaemia, ....seriously medical is a crazy department. not to mention...the specialist in charge ended every sentence with "you will be extended" during the briefing. I hope i will just pass the written exam la...no viva. I dun want to go for viva. I hope I can....my only motivation now is that I kept on reminding myself that it is only 4 months...i hope i will just survive....i hope i won't get extended. I can't even go back and celebrate raya Aidiladha with my family this year. I am just so sad lahh...

I noticed few things in medical....

- the ho always drink 100plus

- no body care bout other ppl pt

- everybody is busy with their own pt to even noe wat is goin on in the ward

- no body will help u muchh...but expect u to help them
- i hate tagging in medical
- i hate medical

p/s: just very sad day, more sad because u realize.....no body really care....

My Lovely Cuppy Cakes

Mr. Cool!!

Last day of holiday

I'm really not sure lah at which state of Elizabeth Kubler Ross theory I am right now....maybe it is nearing the acceptance. I've called my future HO leader, just finished wrapping my log book....(yeah, I actually wrapped it!!! even O&G dun get such nice treatment). I also baked cupcakes today.....thinking of frosting it after Zuhur. Will definitely post how it looks like. Now, tgkla while waiting for solat Zuhur nie...ingat nak kemas baju.  

Hmm...I havent studied much, basicly bace old notes je.....I better move, not much time left...

btw, after recent incident.....i'll never buy anythg online again....

Quoted by

It is a curious thing in human experience, but to live through a period of stress and sorrow with another person creates a bond which nothing seems able to break.

~Eleanor Roosevelt 

i really wish that u will be there for me this time around

Message Box

I'm pretty sure my message box has been spam...DARN!!!!! who's the hell are all these people???

P.R.O.D.U.C.T.I.V.E......NOT!!!!!

I've been so ridiculous one whole day yesterday, feeling depressed over sumthing that hasn't happen yet. I guess I'm just scared, nervous, sad, SCARED, NERVOUS, SCARED!!!! owhh...i've sed that already...I guess certain things we just can't runaway from. Whatever it is...we have to face it, sooner or later....some people say its better if it is sooner. haihhh I guess....

Alhamdullilah....

My misery....means that I've passed my first posting Obgyn, I'm really grateful and relief that I've managed to get thru Obgyn (supposedly to be one of the hardest posting, but i dun really thk so). I'm already missing Obgyn...I'll definitely miss delivering babies....owhh god wen will I ever get the chance again. But we have got to move on....the only constant thg in life is change rite? So now....I'm moving on to Medical Posting, Hopefully I'll have a smooth sailing 4 months....I'm scared of what awaits, but I also noe that I have to learn...this is another step for me to learn how a be strong, matured, independent women and most of all a doctor. I'm goin to be 24 soon right? Well, about time I learn depend on nobody else other than myself.

Yeah about one month from now...it will be my 24th Birthday....traumatic? yes? no? ntahla...I have to say that I am not expecting anything. I just hope that I'll remain happy, I hope I'll always have the ppl that I love here wif me. I hope things will work out alright. I dun expect any present or celebration truthfully because I can still remember what happened last year. It was pretty bad and very very hurtful...not too mention. So its better that I have nothg  this year...cz at least dreams and hope won't be crashing down once the truth is out. Prevention is always better than cure right? Eventho things have definitely change these past 4 months....life is almost perfect. But, watever that has happen is still fresh in my mind like it was just yesterday...I'm not one who hold grudges, but I'm being careful....in this case, I better be.

For my end posting holiday, I and mira went for a little road trip to Penang.....it was nice, tho i tak dapat mandi laut which is a very disappointing  thing to have happen. But it was nice nonetheless....kinda like our own Eat Pray Love version....but in our case it is EAT PRAY SHOPPING!!!!  =)

Penang!!!

the oldest school in Malaysia

with Francis Light the statue

BOM!!!

Love Lane...hehe schweeeettt!

 Masjid Negeri

 Naik Beca...

the Beach...

and most importantly...

char kuey tiaw and laksa penang!!!

yum...yumm

that is the end of my trip

glad to be spending it with this lady

thanks Mira! I had a nice time...hopefully we can have another Road Trip soon!!!

so anyway...yeah somebody asked me to do smthing productive to take my mind off things....after this i need to do house chores, do groceries shopping, maybe bake cupcakes...weee...heheh...I seriously need a lot of luck people....do pray that i can get thru this no problem. I seriously dun understand why I am so scared...but I am. I want to be stronger than this. Mimi sed I dun need luck, I have guts....i pun dun understand la wat she means by that. But I have to fight this!!!!! Yooossshhaaaa!!! Fight Fight Fie!!!!

Wish me luck!! Pray for me people =)

Goodnight Goodnight

i feel lonely tonight...hearing this song just making things worst!!

the TRUTH is

dragon ball ada 7 biji semua nya.....hahahhahaha

hrmmm no no.....the truth is...
i'm damaged...
i'm scared to love....i'm scared of guys...
i dun trust guys easily nor i have hope on guys...
any invitation for a date...i take it as a joke, any flirtation and even proposal also has been taken as a joke..
any compliment was only seen by smthg nice ppl say to be nice...or as a sweetener to a conversation...
i'm not kidding in saying that i dun trust in love, i dun trust in forever....seryesly i'm not...
i'm not McDreamy Fairytale anymore.....i am real.....forever is just a word, just like love, care, sorry...all can be thrown away like its nothg....i've seen it happen...so yeah, none of those are real....

LOVE....if it ever wants to get back into my life, it have to regain my TRUST....

wise QUOTE from Grey's Anatomy

coz growin' up sometimes means leavin' other people behind...

something i'll never say

i will never say it...not even here. too much information, even for myself to take in....
how i wish i dun feel it. how i wish i dun remember. how i wish i dun care. how i wish u don't affect me in any way.......................................

but u are part of me, part of my life....
forever is impossible.....but it seems like a very nice thg to have...

u are GREAT just the way u are

i already love ur imperfections

i hate

work politics
klang
gagak
favoritism
log book
assessment
exams
selfish lazy ppl

she is who i go to

i noe what i am about to say are goin to sound sooo childish...but i seriously feel sad thinking that zatil is goin to quit, i really hope she won't....cause i need her here....if she is so faraway, i duno wen am i goin to see her

i won't be able to just visit her in the ward or hv a quick bite with her...i noe...i noe....i sounded sooo la lesbo rite now. but zatil is my bestest best fren....she is like the only one that is always there at my critical times. at least for the past 3 years nie.....she the only person whom i noe understand me the best, who really accept me the way that i am, whom i noe i can count upon no matter what...we can even bitch about the same ppl. if jen have mimi, i have zatil....i feel like i am losing her. ntahla...i just feel so sad....i noe it is not the end of the friendship even if she quit. i noe she will always still be my bestfriend. i just dun like la this whole idea, i am worried that if she choose to quit...she will regret it in the future...i dun like that she is goin to be faraway from me...i am seriously gonna miss her...

today, seeing anis and eja get married, seeing them with their hubby....i get this weird feeling. it is not a sad feeling or a jealousy...it is sumwhat, peaceful, happy and hopeful feeling....for the first time after a very long time. i felt like it would be nice to have that someone who promise to be with you no matter what, who promise to be with you forever, who you can come home too. seeing them.....i'm moved and touched by their happiness. i guess it would be nice to have somebody to love and spend my whole life with. though i thk i've lost interest on guys for quite awhile...i guess, my heart was badly injured...that person dun even realized just how much he have hurt me. with zatil issues goin on....i guess i've come to realized that it would be nice to have someone to hold on to no matter what. like an insurance for life, ur soul guardian who will take care of u and ur heart forever...where can i ever find that guy....

crumbs of thoughts

then there are this other soul who appreciate the beauty that i saw....

Count on ME

e

dedicating this song to my dear bestfriends

i LOVE you guys

SO SO SOOOO  MUCCCHHHH!!!!!

Spur of the moment

That moment, nothing else seem to matter but us...only you me and our laughter
i feel like.........
i want to talk to you till the dawn breaks
i want to bury my self in your smell
i want to tuck myself in your arms
i want to fall asleep with you
away from the reality
away from the world we know...

iphone4 for me?

i want this!!!

http://www.maxis.com.my/personal/iphone4/landing.asp

Dream Wedding

Check this out!!

Though I know this is such a waste of money, and there is certain things that they do are a bit tak kena with our religion...like clapping after nikah when we shud be holding our hands up for a prayer....but I have to say this girl had a fairy tale wedding that we all dream of having. Hee <3 <3 <3

A message from someone

Just something to get my spirit up!!! Thanks Dr. Jega!!!

UniQue GiFts

Hey this is kinda late since I thought of posting it months ago but...since I was busy and there was so many things goin on that I totally forgot about this. So today, I was just going thru my files and pictures and I saw this. Anyway, I've received these as my graduation gifts. It was one unique gift box...thank you so much!!! =)

a moment of disappointment

it really breaks my heart.....watching you doing the things that you do, knowing what you said to people.....it breaks my heart. it breaks my heart that it seems like you forgot that i have one, that you seem to forget what my heart feel matters. it breaks my heart so much that the bad memories is flooding back...and all that matters about you seem worthless....

Eid' Mubarak Delayed Post (2010)

Life takes shape depending on how you look at it....like a glass half empty can also be seen as a glass half full. Yeah...cliche, so i heard. But its true, I mean God Almighty Allah....Tuhan Yang Maha Adil, di dalam dugaan Dia akan berikan kebahagiaan....cuma terpulanglah kepada kita untuk menilai yg manakah yg hendak kita beratkan. Most people (including me sometimes) tend to think  a lot about the bad things in life, forgetting about all the good things. Though if you ask me.....i think we have equal number of good and bad things in life.     Truthfully, I always thought like I am stuck in Klang, I am not moving on, like I will always be in that static position....up to a point yg I feel I just wanna quit and get away from everythg. I regret not reapplying to Kajang, though I know seryesly Hospital Kajang tu quite teruk. I miss home so much...I miss home everyday. I miss having ppl to hug me wen I had a bad day, I just feel like being in someone's arm, crying my heart out at someone's shoulder. Home has felt like my heaven on earth. I seryesly miss my ummi and ayah.....I thk I've become more manja n mengada2 lately nie....i pun tak paham..maybe its the mid twenties crisis. I still have a lot to learn la wen it comes to bein an adult. Still adapting to adult life...it hard.

Saying all that will actually made me sound so ungrateful...if I were to list down all the good things in my life right now. Because the reality is...I am really blessed and lucky person. I have so many nice sweet people around me. Like on the 3rd day of raya...I have to do morning review, a friend of mine who is post call btw send me back to Kajang though she lived in Subang. I mean, who does that? She is not even my bestfriend, we hardly knew each other, I only went out with her once to watch 'Grown ups' and shopping. So sweet rite? I am seryesly blessed, I always get help no matter what. I am lucky in that sense. Not to mention, in Klang there are 2 of my bestfriend there to be there for me no matter what. Though I am a bit of a drama queen, they are always there. I still have time to hangout with them. I get to see them almost every week. If I am in Kajang, only God knows wen we'll be able to spend time with each other. Though I am far from family, I still managed to go back at least 2 weeks once. Truthfully, though HTAR felt like a bad choice altogether considering it is situated in a ghetto city, the work politics there are overwhelming n the ppl there are beyond bitchy.....maybe Hazim was right, it is the right place to be for now. I had fun learning how to be a doctor there...working life is kinda exciting. I can't wait to learn how to properly do a scan on pregnant mothers n be posted in the labour room. 

Next week, I'll be posted in 2A a ward that is conquered by an ice-queen and her annoying little pest. I seryesly don't ever wanna be posted in that ward....but it is just something that everybody have got to go thru. So, please do pray for me.....hopefully I'll survive all the torture or just maybe.....the ice-queen "might" like me...hehehhhh besar btol cita2 tuh...huhuhu

This is the pic of my whole family on my paternal side (minus my Kak Aida and Abg Sarimi cz they spend the raya in Kelantan).

so happy to hv gathered everyone together like this

This raya I dah start bagi duit raya...adehhh felt so old lah.....dah tak boleh dah join my bro n sis kira2 duit raya sapa yg paling bnyak...huhuhu.....Yesterday, I dapat jumpa anak-anak my cousins yg sgt2 comel  tuh...seryesly lepas tension after dapat main2 dgn diorang. So yeah, with all that being sed, guess life are not that bad. Infact...I am very blessed by Allah swt....Alhamdullilah....I hope happiness will find its way to me soon. =))) *wishing hard*

ummi and ayah...one day i hope to find what ugys have found in each other

 yeah...we are adorable...i know *winks*

That's all for now....Selamat Hari Raya, Maaf Zahir Batin

Hope that ugys will have a great Aidilfitri wherever you are.

Love. Eat and Pray...haha yeah I can't wait to watch that movie =)


<3

a moment

sometimes......i feel like i'm stuck in a limbo just waiting for somebody to just pull my hand and get me outta that depressingly numb place....

This gimme a great LAUGH today

sooooo GAY!!!!

ello...long time no see huh?!?

I actually have A LOT to blog about. This is the last day of my off day...goshhh....off days are never enough for me. Truthfully, I did not use this one to the very best of my ability......I feel that  most of my time are wasted....which is why I am practically slamming all the keys on this keyboard right now hoping that this entry wont take such a very long time. Life of working is okay, I mean well...I don't particularly like it, I have lost my passion to work really, but I still want to do my best in everything I do. That is the least that I can do anyway, if I don't like doing it....better to at least.... make it right. Yeah, that is how I think right now. Disappointing ain't it? Oh well, working in Klang sucks, with time......I have learnt to just go to work without any feeling, do my job and go home. I am deteriorating. I know!!!!! SOS!!!! SOS!!!! 

On my journey back to Kajang, Hazim told me about all his future plans....about wanting to take his MRCP, see the world....work his ass off till he gets loads of money and come back to be a lecturer in UiTM. I mean, I used to have all that...those dreams...continuing my studies with MRCOG or masters in OBGyn, considering I am a bit deficit on the financial area....return to UiTM and teach. That used to be my dream....I wonder what happen to all that. Where is my PASSION??? Truthfully, I love OBGyn, still do......I feel connected with the patients, I LOVE to hear their stories. They share tips with me about pregnancy and stuff, I am really interested to hear all of their stories and worries, as a BONUS, i can play with their babies......the babies are just wonderful little things....they smile in their sleep, blow bubbles from their mouth....goshh! I really LOVE babies. Sometimes, I feel like wanting one of my own too, maybe one day...when I found the right guy. 

I think goin to work, the best thing about it is that, I always felt trilled when I am stitching ppl...currently, all I am stitching are vagina....but seriously, I like it. I like stitching ppl, see my work when its done. It is just exciting....especially when I managed to sew up the hymen together, its like giving the poor lady her virginity back. Its a nice feeling. Okay, before I make all ugys puke out there....I would like to stress it here that the best thing about working are the patients, i feel happy when they smile at me, thank me though I think I hadn't done anythg much for them, have them telling me that I am pretty on my post call days, though I haven't showered since 5pm the day before. Yeahh, I noe quite a shallow statement, but these little thgs kinda become the kinda things that left you smiling for the rest of that suckky day where your boss is giving you a hard time like not wanting to sign ur assessment paper and all that. Yeah S is the the most hateful person I have ever met, not only she is a money sucker monster....she is also a meannnnnn person!!! I just really hate her la. I feel so unlucky to be posted in her ward. 

Anyway...enough about work.....I was browsing the net yesterday....and I found these....

okay, what about this video.....two of the members of this band is actually my colleague....Andrew Yap (on drum) and Tan Hiang Liang (on bass). Seriously, it is quite funny to noe this, but I have to say their song are nice! I especially like this one.....called Bidadari

So, what do you guys think??

Haha...i think I should ask them to give me an autograph one of these days...haha things that you found on the internet. Pretty amazing huh?!?

What have I been up to.....hmm lets see, other than stalking the internet like nobody's business. I have been watching Parenthood Season 1 for one whole day yesterday, pretty touching story...leaving me feeling that I am not ready yet to be anyone parent. Parenting is a big responsibility and tiring. I am quite glad that I am still single actually, cz that mean that I can be selfish. I am allowed to think only about myself, I can use all of my free time as "ME" time. no obligations, no ONCALL at home, no crying babies at night needing nappy change or to be given milk or anythg like that. So I guess, right now....being single is a BLISS considering I am struggling to adjust to this whole housemanship thing anyway. I guess, Allah swt knows best....I am just grateful at how things are right now. Like a wise friend sed to me the other day....you have a lot going for you,  now..all you need to do is take things one step at a time...

oh fyi, i LOVE the Parenthood series <3

What else....oh yeah!! I'm like really craving for ice cream right now....the other day, my bestfriends and I went to this new place in front of Sekolah Yu Hua called the Ice-Room, their ice-creams are soooo nice!!! I can't stop thinking about it....I wana eat those AGAIN!!!! 

looks nice right??? 

here have some! ^^v

custard pudding

spagetti...yum yum...but subha sed it is not so nice....she added chili sauce to it...hehe

At the end of the day, I am just really glad to be able to hangout with these old folks...they are crazy ppl I tell you...but they are my bestfriends!!! Meeting them makes me feel that I am still sane despite of all the stresses that I get everyday. Wish we can hangout like this even wen we are in our 50's or 80's or 100's hahahh.....I MISS you gurls.....wish Mirae and Jenny was there too. 

I think that is all for this weekend, will try to blog more often....tho I think most of my precious time would be spend on sleeping, eating, dreaming and lazing at home...yeah I sounded like a FAT tabby cat....OBESE to be more specific haha....very sedentary lifestyle I am living right now, I am in a process of changing it pretty soon. Planning to start doin Pilates again...just finding the time to start. So anyway, Happy 53rd Independence Day Malaysia!!! I am proud to be living in this country....the Ramadhan is goin to an end soon....so all the Muslims selamat mengerjakan Ibadah puasa...may us all get hidayah and blessings from HIM. I hope I dapat cuti raya.....hehe better go now...Bye!! Till next time lovely people =)

ok

i am officiallyyyy bored..............

Agree 100%

I need TWICE DAILY dose of HUG, DOUBLE on the hard day =)

A hug can turn your day around, it's like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their hands around you, and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety comes shooting out of your mouth, and you can breathe again.

~ Pushing Daisies

Missing something in Life

I truly am lah.....everyday since the last 4 weeks here though most of the people has been good to me.....though I have met so many new people.....I just feel so alone lah.....I mean not alone as in ALONE....just a l o n e.....i don't really noe how to expressed it. I don't even noe wat is actually wrong........I just felt it.....

...gotta ignore my feelings, i have to strive to be the best.

...gudnite . 

Hello Midas.....Money Don't Grow on Trees

Hello...Hello....
Anybody miss me yet??? Haha

Anyhoot... today i'm off from work, from the stressful ambient of the hospital, from the screams and shouts, from my OD dose of scolding, from the BIATCH people that I have to work with. Really la.....I make it sounded like working life is not at all FUN. But it is actually kinda fun working, u finally managed to do all those things that you used to just read on books. Application of knowledge, its exciting!. 

But the people are so BIATCH lah.....I really hate it. I do have a handful of people that I can sort of teamwork with and help each other in working together, and I am really thankful for that. But there are some people that I just can't take it la....like I have this specialist, highlight that okay....a specialist, graduated oversea, she will ask us RM 5 from every writing mistake that we made. U imagine, just one morning....she managed to get at least RM20 from 7 of us HOs in the department. I feel like this is so unfair......i mean she got easy money. For those people who money isn't a problem probably don't care about this. But I do care, my family have money issues, I don't think it is fair or justified enough that a SPECIALIST taking money from her  junior houseman. I mean, we work our ass off okay. I probably don't mind to get scolded or punishment. But money is something that you have to earn okay, it is not free or easy to get...how is it fair that she just get an easy money from all of us???? I say, if u want EXTRA money go and do locum la BITCH!!!!!!! 

Currently, I just feel so thankful that I am away from all that. Having my own sweet time at home. Away from worries, constant thought repetition about whether I've done a good enuf job or not. I am really obsessive la in that sense. I just feel really blessed, everything at home is still the same. I love to be home. I love my parents, I love my comfy bed. I seryesly feel like crying right now typing all this. I really regret la not applying for Kajang. But I can't regret now.....I have to keep holding on. Besides, things are not really that bad, I have my bestfriends with me there...I am really2 thankful to have them there. Zatil, who listen to me complaining every evening, Fye who help me study wenever we are free, if it weren't for Hazim....I wouldn't even be home today.......so I am just really glad.....I am really glad to have all these people around. I am trully2 blessed. 

Working life aren't all that bad lah....I guess, I made new friends.....it was fun. Everyday after we finished working we will bitch about work...laugh it off, and go home, tomorrow we will come to work again fresh and motivated, then the cycle continues....I am just hoping that I can survive this 2 years...I hope I will be able to become a polished, good, safe competent muslim doctor.....insyaAllah. I am just hoping for the best, I'm doing my best, I just hope Allah swt will blessed my effort every step of the way and may I have a smooth sailing journey. Hopefully I'll be given a strength and courage to face every obstacles and challenges that is coming my way....Aminnn

working environment sucks

i seriously miss home

the new life of mine...

oh well.....that is what u want....
maybe i am the one who can't see how great things are the way that they are now

let me tell u something.....i am not gonna let that history follow me here, it is a brand new life.....i am not planning to look back.....

that is what you want....

No mood

No mood to pack barang....
No mood to face my new life...
No mood seriously....no mood at all...

 No mood to posts anythg....

With or WithOUT

Hey Bloggie...I am doin updates again....

I have been rather silent because I was having my induction in Straits Meridian Hotel Melaka from 5th - 9th July 2010 so I've been kinda busy...and for some reason my broadband buat hal so tak leh online. The induction was fine, not much that I have to say the hotel was nice, the food is great, the people...well they are okay too....tho I have to say I had a pretty rough week, too many things happen  and mostly bad....some things I can't take back and though I regret.....I have to live with it for 2 years....or the rest of my life...who knows. I am sad, but well....I guess there's nothing that I can do anymore. Just hope that things will make sense in the future, things will be okay in the future, things will be just fine....I hope and I pray.....I hope Allah swt will hear my prayers....

Btw, I'll be working in Klang. I dunno whether I've made the right choice....for now it seems like I've made the wrong one tho it still seems like the most relevant one. I just hope that I'll survive....I hope that I can be strong to face watever that may come. May Allah give me strength...I dun expect things to be easy....but I hope Allah will make my path smoother....I will try my very best. I'll try to toughened up my heart, soul, mental and also physical. May this path teach me to be more mature...

p/s I'm gonna miss everything...its sad to put everythg behind....

I'm being RANDOM. AGAIN!

Louis frm St Louis Carrie Bradshaw 

on Mr.Big ~ Sex and the City Movie 1

Do you miss him?

Everyday...

You know its weird..I haven't cried very much at all...I don't know...maybe..

maybe...you're only allowed a certain amount of tears per man and I've used mine up

********

as i say earlier...i am being random

i miss my sister

Behind the WHEEL

so...my mum's car appointed my car has arrived and well...since i have to work now, i'm also forced to drive. truthfully....i prefer to be the passenger than the driver. driving is scary and NOT fun at all...i thk i just have to get used to it.

if only i am rich enuf to hire a driver

*sigh*

What's the deal with Fie

Now is 3.20pm....my sister had just left for Sg. Petani with my parents...and I have promise myself to spend only 30 minutes on the internet as I have to start packing and all that stuff...as I have been putting off everything ever since the news of induction reached my tympanic membrane. I find it so hard to wake up this morning, I don't want to face reality. I like things the way that it is now. I just feel so comfortable. With everyone's gone and me alone in charge of the house...no more diversion....reality is...next Monday i'll be goin for induction....get the result of the hospital that i'll be posted to....in which only Allah s.w.t knows where. Maybe faraway from my parents, my family and all of my bestfriends...my sister will be in Sungai Petani....and I can only see her during Raya...which reminds me...I have to make sure I apply for my Raya holiday as soon as I know my posting. I'll have to start to depend on myself solely. Thinking of all this...make me feel a little isolated and alone....geez, I am scared, but I have got to toughened up.

>>SHOCK>>BARGAINING>>DENIAL>>ANGER>>DEPRESSION>>ACCEPTANCE ~

Yes, I think I have come to accept this like it or not I HAVE TO ACCEPT IT...so now I have to start preparing myself and stop being sooo teary eyes about it. I am stronger than this. I know.....so I have to get to work now...I've got so many things to do.... ;)

July comes with a....NEWS

As I am making this blog entry.....I am actually very very VERY sleepy already. My eyes has been begging to sleep from 10pm but I was dragged to watch "Knight and Day" (a very funny movie!!!) by my sister and my parents. So, I just got back from watching movie....well, I know I said dragged but truthfully....I am really happy to go out with  them. It was my sister's last night before she is gonna start the new semester. I really hope her semester will go smoothly and may she will claim her DL again this semester. And I hope she will find a proper place to stay. I am kinda worried about her but I have my own stuff to fuss about right now. I am really sad that I can't send her one last time before I start to work...I am so sorry Adik...you know that I love you so much kan....you have been a great company sepanjang my holiday nie...I am really glad to have you around. Missing u already :'(

This has been quite a busy week. First, I was surprise by the news that I have to go for induction next week. Yes, I was shock....cause it was not supposed to be this fast. I thought we will be called around 15 July....as it turns out I have to report for duty next Monday, 5th July. I am not trilled at all about the prospect. I still have another 2 weeks plan to complete. And here I am taking everything in... trying to compact my 2 weeks schedule to 4 days...which was a complete failure...if I have to say so. I am very upset. I don't really like it wen my plan goes wrong....Oh well,  Alhamdullilah...most of the things that I need for my induction and work has already been completed. Just that I need to photocopy some important documents, buy some essential stuff like my shower foam and shampoo and stuff, and of cause packing. My mum said, I can't make such a long term plan...it is not good...I shud just at least plan1 week ahead, because we'll never know what might happen....in a way she is right tho...we are too busy planning life, where is the fun of it? We need to be more spontaneous and taste life as it is right...I dunno, maybe I am a control freak or sumthing...Not to mentionlah kan with that Postmen drama...goshh!!! just seriously...... (O.o) 

I am really scared....I am scared that I did not get the hospital that I wanted to go. I am afraid to work. I am afraid if I can't be the good, safe, competent Muslim doctor. I am afraid that now people's life is in my hand. Anyway, I realized this week that I have so many people of whom I can depend on, who care about me...it made me see that I'm a very lucky person......kinda make me feel scared...cause people always say that there will be that calm peaceful period before the storms attack right. What if I have used up all my luck and the future awaits is just so so terrible? I noe I am being paranoid....but really, I do thk that way sometimes. I'll try to update about my holiday if I have time. But looking at things...I thk I have to do some other things first...I better go to sleep now...will try to post something more sensible tomorrow

HELLO JULY

its time for a new CHAPTER of my life

: : : GOODNIGHT : : :

Just wanna post this bcz this kitty is sooo CUTE!!!

hey....what are you up to today???

follow your HEART ;)