Pintaku

Ya Allah, janganlah engkau palingkan aku dari cintaMu. Buatlah aku jatuh cinta berkali-kali terhadapMu Ya Allah. Jauhkan aku dari hasutan dan godaan syaitan dan iblis. Ya Allah pandulah aku ke jalan yg engkau rahmati dan bukanlah jalan yg sesat. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku insan lemah, kuatkan iman ku untuk terus ke jalan mu. Aminn

5th Ramadhan. 19 days to goodbye

I'm finally accepting the fact that I'm moving away soon. Soon means in 19 days time. Yeah, its a week before Raya...and I'm sure many of my friends will be wondering why I have to leave so soon and stuff. Im sure my family feel the same way too.Well ugys, if I have things go my way....I wana go after Raya too. I wanna stay here longer, but I can't ....my department are not letting me take leave from the 13 till 26 due to lack of medical officers and the majority of medical officers in our department are Muslims. Yeah, total bummer. And JKN Penang said that they can't promise to give me leave as my record book is not in their hands yet. I don't know if I'll be able to celebrate Raya with my family or not this year, that is the saddest part. I don't know whats the best decision to make right now, either to stay and  may or may not get Raya leave or go and may or may not get Raya leave. There's a part of me who said "Just stay, even if I have to work on Raya I'll be in shift systems". Oh! I don't know.

Nothing make sense right now, Hazim says I've to grow up. I just feel like it is a lot to take in at one time, being away from family for the first time, moving to a new place, with no place to stay, new working environment, may or may not get Raya leave. I just feel it is too much. I know I'm very lucky I have Hazim there with me. But I just can't help feeling sad, I've make a living here...I have my own space, my friends, I've created a bubble that's comfortable..now I'm moving out of it. No more getting ice creams right before dining at Manhattan Fish with Nafasha and Diana. No more having Nasibah and Farhana around for advice. No more meeting Zatil on my free time/ day off and listen her talk bout make up and stuff. No more one hour drive back to my family. Everythg is new. I don't know when I'm gonna meet all this people again. But they have helped me a lot. I've become independent with their help. And it feels like I don't want to move on. I don't wanna leave my comfortable bubble. I'm missing it.  

Time seem so limited right now, there's many things that I wana do with just so little time. Yeah, actually I know what happened, I've been in denial all this time and that is why it is just difficult to take in right now. It felt like after this I'll be much further from my family. like this is one little step to stop being mum and dad little girl. I'll be writting again soon when I'm calmer insyaAllah.

Happy Ramadhan Al-Kareem!!!!   

Change

Lately, I have been thnking a lot about changing....I know that I am not getting any younger, I should do more good, I should be a better person while there's still health, strength and youth. I've been reading a lot about Islam lately, reading the translation...I've realized how 'jahil' I am. I am a Muslim, but I don't know what Islam is all about. For somebody who practice Islam, who pray 5 times a day, who fasted during the month of Ramadhan, for somebody who wear a hijjab. Its embarrassing.

I read an article in Destination Jannah, I am particularly touched by these lines

Hijab is much more than the external piece of cloth on your head, sisters. It is a change of heart, the haya' must enter the heart before modesty can truly be reflected from outside.  

Hayaa'is speech, hayaa'is proper covering of your body, hayaa'is being aware of Allah when you're interacting with the opposite gender, hayaa'is knowing your limits and boundaries. Hayaa'is a shift of the heart to something more beautiful that what we're fed in magazine and tv. Hayaa' and Hijab are a liberation to us Muslim sisters but only if we make it that way. 

Hayaa'in this context has a lot of meaning, Hayaa'derived from the word hayaat which means life. In English it is translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour and etc. The original meaning of Hayaa' in accordance with believer's nature, refers to a bad and painful feeling accompanied by embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censored for some unworthy or indecent conduct. In short, Hayaa' is shyness. MasyaAllah, such deep meaning of wearing a hijjab. I've been wearing hijjab for years but I don't really understand what wearing a hijjab is all about. It is more than a covering, more than just an act of modesty. 

I was performing a Maghrib prayer the other day at Masjid Besi Putrajaya, I was truly moved by the people who just pray without their 'telekung', who pray in their present clothes and hijjab, because its enough to cover their aurat. I truly amaze at how beautiful Islam is that time. It is not hard at all. We are the ones who make it hard. I remember a teaching from Ustaz Azhar, he said women should not leave their house if the clothes that they wear is not enough to cover their aurat for a prayer. I can't explain this feeling, but I'll try to be better, maybe not drastically, but insyaAllah one day...I pray, I'll get there. 

Truly Inspirational

Sangat terkesan di dalam hati video ni. InsyaAllah, lepas ni nak jadi seorang doktor my bermanfaat kepada manusia....Amin Amin Ya Rabb..

One year and counting...

this is what i have to deal with... T_T

awww....isn't he sweet <3

People Talk..BD!

Assalammuaalaikum

Last few weeks, I heard somebody was talking bad about me behind my back. I mean I know, what do you expect kan...people have mouth they talk, they don't really care if they got their facts wrong. But that very person, I duno, I just don't ecpect that she would be in any part of this. So I just feel like I am somewhat back-stabbed. Feeling that, I just easily group up all of this girl and her close friends together and just decided that I cant trust n I dun want to be close to them. Then I go the next few days hating and feeling angry at them, saying some stuff I myself regret, cz for all I know...I have never had any problem with this people, I've never hated them, they are not my close friend but I was seriously okay with them. They are just neutral people to me an acquaintance. I neither hate or love. When I go around hating them after knowing that, I just felt very childish. I mean why??? Why should I act like this....this isnt High School. Okay, so I know these people aren't to be trusted. So just move on right. Its not as if I have done anythg to them to deserve this kinda treatment, let Allah swt punish them. Who am I to say what they did is wrong or right. For all I know, maybe I am just as disgusting as them or maybe worst.

What's important is what I am in Allah swt eyes. Does not matter if they wanna talk, let them talk. I have to improve myself. Keep on ameliorating myself so that they will one day see the truth, what matters is between me and Allah swt. What for am I saving this hatred, it is only gonna stained my heart. I don't need that. I forgive them for what they've done. I'm not a perfect person, I've made mistakes, but Allah swt is always guiding me and He has gave me a great gift, that is my life and all the people that I love in it as perfectly imperfect as it is. And I am happy. Content as I've never imagine before. Alhamdullilah for your generosity Ya Allah. You are truly kind. I will continue cherishing this life, be happy and free from all this hatred. This is not how I wana live my days. As long as I know who I can trust, and who truly care, it is more than enough for me. Enough for me to live happily. Thank you Allah for your blessings.

~*spread love*~

Let go of your grudges. Let the bitterness die tonight. Make a decision today that it's time to move on. And begin again. New, this time. Never forget that what has passed you by was never meant to befall you. And what has befallen you, was never meant to pass you by. Know that some times Allah withholds from you, in order to give you something better. Keep your heart focused on Him, and He will take care of the rest. And remember : you will stumble, but that's part of the path. Keep going. Keep rising, and refuse to give up. ~ Yasmin Mogahed

Wallahualam

Preservation

Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. The best use of life is love. The best expression of love is time.... ~ Anonymous

Preservation of things we love. We don't have any control of that. For instance, the other day i was quite sad cz my pearl bracelet was broken, then not long after that some animal pee on my favorite working shoe, then i lose grasp of one of my chunky ring and it hit the floor hard and now its broken. Okay, my examples are shallow, but think about it. You cant preserve anything in your life even if you put it on a pedestal, your parents, your siblings, your partner, or your friends. Nothing can be preserved. One day we all are gonna come back to Him. When people say, not worth risking your life over nothing. What does that mean?

Whatever it is, no matter how hard we try to preserve things, in the end if Allah swt says it happen, it will happen. It doesnt matter we like it or not, or are we ready for it or not. All we have now is time, try to appreciate things while it is still here. Our life for instance, if we throw it away doing sins, saying things like we are still young, save repentance for our old days...what if we die tomorrow, what if we have no strength to repent when we are old? Astagfirullah...forgive me Allah swt for I am so jahil, I am sinful. Doink is very worried whenever I am driving, he always say how he don't want anythg to happen to me, so whenever I'm on the road or in the hospital looking at the MVA victims, I become very scared of driving. But, to think about it rationally..  tawakkal....means we believe in Allah swt, we tried, but we leave it to Him. That is about all that we can do, try our best, which of course in my case I still need a little bit more practice, maybe more before I can really competently drive. But, even that, don't ensure that I will be safe, I still have to pray to Him for protection cause we can never preserve. Its all in Allah swt hands.

I saw a quote in FB the other day it says (sorry it is in Malay) "Apabila gugurnya seorang ibu, maka hilang lah satu kenikmatan di dalam hidup seorang anak, iaitu doa seorang ibu. Jadi jagalah ibu mu sebelum hilangnya kenikmatan untuk beroleh doa ibu" which means when somebody lost his/her mum, he/her will lose one luxury which is the luxury of having his/her mum prayer, so me must take care of our mum before it is too late for us to have the luxury of being in her prayer. In Islam, Mum's prayer are great...after all Jannah is below our mothers feet. That is how high Islam placed their woman, their mum. Since the Parent's day are here, just feel like saying this cause...all of us sometimes do neglect our parents, including me sadly, in our busy days, we able to call our significant other but to call our parents everyday are quite rare. So this is just a reminder, we can't preserve our parents, they are the only parents we have and no body can ever replace them. As a daughter, in Islam...we are the gate opener for Jannah to our father. What we do, it will contributed to his deeds, so does our wrong doings. I ponder for a while the other day, have I done enough to grant my father a Jannah? Have I? or will I be the one to pull him to Hell? Astagfirullah....I'll feel guilty if that is the case, I love my parents too much to picture pulling them to Hell for the sins that I have done. They don't deserve it. They have given me too much. 

Many of us don't realized this, including me. Sad isn't it? We are lost. I want to be a better Muslim for my parents. I don't want to see them suffer. I have to do this for myself, for Allah swt who have given me so much, who have love me so much. And we can't wait, cause time don't wait and we can't preserve things which leads me to the rest of the quote..

......And the best time to love is now..

p/s Lately ni mmg sentimental skit, esp cz thinking that I'm goin to Penang (insyaAllah) living far away from them (furthest I've been) and I havent been spending much time with them. And InsyaAllah if I get married, it will be more impossible to just live with them again. I'm just not ready to let go of that yet, I'm not ready to let go of my parents. I still want to be their little girl.

Sorry if this don't make sense, sometimes I just write to reflect back on myself. This is just what I think so maybe other people don't agree with what I 've said. PEACE :)

Journey that lasts Forever

Relationship is not easy, its joining 2 different person with 2 different personalities, 2 different interest and priorities under one thing. Its something that both of that different people have to work on, always and forever. And it sure look easy, but its not. It takes lots of effort, give and take, sacrifices, understanding. It may be effortless at first, but as these 2 ppl grow and start to have different lives...it will get harder. Yep, obstacles will always be there. But it is up to these two people to handle it through thick and thin, good and bad times, whatever it is it can either make it or break it. I found this video and I think it is kinda interesting.

I always find that its sad when my friends broke up, listening to ppl get divorce and stuff. I always wonder... they used to be so happy, what have gone wrong? what happened? I guess some people call it fate, some people kata takde jodoh...but really, Allah swt have brought you guys together and we all know how much Allah swt don't like us cutting off people from our life, whereas a divorce. Something must have gone wrong somewhere, maybe they start being comfortable, together began to be a routine....which can be a good or a bad thing, maybe they stop trying, start taking each other for granted, maybe things began to feel less exciting. I dunno why. But whatever it is, just like everything around us, if we want it to lasts forever it need to be taken care of, nurtured, and love. Just one of my random posts. Lets us all hope and pray that Allah swt will bless everything beautiful that we have now. Amin <3

Peace ><

* Spread love *

A Day in Red Zone

I wasn't expecting that I'll be in Resus this week. I don't know where they should put me, but I wasn't expecting Resus. Phew! What a day!!! Started the day by having 3 cases coming in at one go. Then, during Grand rounds with the HOD I kene screw habis2 pasal ABC. Semua org tgk...malu sgt2 sehh. But, its okay we are all learning kan. Hmm then the day went on and on and on and without I realized it has already passed lunch time. Yang ajaib nye, dalam busy2 tu I sempat makan nasi bli kat cafe!!! Haha...sgt xleh bla k. Macam2 sangat I tgk harini...severe bradycardia, hypoglycaemic coma, ureamia encephalopathy, status epilepticus, crash injury, malathion poisoning..etc etc...but the most exciting thing is I think, I managed to insert a CV line on my own today, Yerp! I'm that lame....my very first one on my last posting. Its late but hopefully it is not too late. Huhu but I'm happy...and that really made my day!

p/s : my Viral screen out all negative!! =))) very happy news indeed

Flashback

I forget what happened, I forget what you did that hurt me so much. But I guess my heart don't, it still remember that tone of voice, the way that you talk to me, it didnt forget how painful it was, how unwanted I was...

Sunday Teaching

This morning after came back from work and bought my breakfast. I drove my car near to the mosque to hear their Sunday morning teaching. As I ate my breakfast in the car, I listen to the Ustaz, in his speech I'm rather moved my this particular thing that he said

We know that we will face death but we continue living and having fun as if death is not there to get us,

We know that Hell exist, and yet we continue living and having fun as if we've been promise the Heaven,

We know that Allah swt is there watching and hearing everything that we do and say, but we continue doing and saying all the wrong things,

Now aren't we the most oblivious lot?

Astagfirullah, Ya Allah forgive me...

What happen to Us?

This phrase of sentence often heard at the end of something (relationship) , when things dun feel the same. Sad isnt it. I thk it is a sad thg when you have to think what have happen to something so beautiful in the start to have caused it crash down to pieces . Gosh, scary... Scary thoughts. I dont even know why it crossed my mind. I want Hazim to always be my bestfriend. Somebody I can confide in. Somebody who understand me better than anyone else. I always want him to be the place I run to for help, support and in time of weakness. I always want him to be the only person who dont judge me and accepted me for who I am. I want him to always be the one who wipe out my tears, hugs me for comfort. Always be my strength. I want him to be the only one I need and the one i want to talk to for hours. I want him to always be the one i longed for, the only one I love. Kinda look like a lot to ask from him. I dun want thgs to change, cz he is my bestest best friend. I always want to have that. I don't want to ever have to ask, what have happened to Us?

One Random Girl

I'm one random girl, seriously my mind can go around thk about random things in just like one minute! The other day while cutting my nails, I was thinking how I hate it when now everybody starts wearing Poppy's item in the hospital, jz because I was looking at their site. I mean okay, when I started to online shop their clothes, they were not on televisyen yet n all that and not many people knew bout them. But now, their clothes are like everywhere... Almost COMMON. I mean yeah! I still like their designs but I also don't like wearing things that you can just go to a shopping mall and find somebody wearing them. But their designs are great, and people love em' so its really a great achievement. So yey to Poplook!! :). Then I go and thk about how I cant shop that much anymore to save for my future education and my FUTURE. Then, i went on thinking bout the cost of a wedding and how "young" I think I am and that I'm not ready for commitments. Then I think bout why my flu is still not improving despite of the antibiotics. Should I recheck my viral status? Then about my recent blood test that shows I have a borderline cholestrol level and I should really start eating right and stop my sedentary lifestyle. Then I go and think about why nowadays houseman are just too pampered. I mean its bad enough that they have attitude problem, they also cant handle the responsibility that are entrusted to their hands! For instance, right now... All new MO in HTAR hv tp go bck to medical for their 7th posting, Yeah! As HOs just because all those Jr. cant handle it. And HO frm other posting, means to say Ortho, ED, Aneast have to send HOs to help top up their number. RIDICULOUS!!!

Then the other day I went and watch Mirror Mirror with Zatil. It was so FUN!! Very entertaining I would say, plus Julia Roberts as the evil Queen is just so dramatic. She is such a good actress. I finally watched The Vow the other day, but I kinda felt a bit disappointed with the plot, I mean yeah...it is sweet and all but I dun quite feel it. I dun feel touched. I duno. Maybe I am the one yg dah kurang mushy...huhuhu. Anyway, I'm sure lots of people out there love it! HEE. Then, baru2 ni masa jalan2 kat Speedy dgn Zatil, I saw this Deathy Hallows DVDs that come together with Hogwarts and House Batches. It was beautiful. I wana have it. But I kinda think it is too much for RM110 (O_o) but you all know how much I want it. I was telling Faizal yesterday night, and gladly we share the same excitement. Then this morning, he was sharing with me this all 8 movies compilation DVDs and their extended scene (5hours of EXTRA scene!!!!) as if that is not enough...it comes with this 8 Harry Potter wizard collectible items. Aaaaaaa!!!! I want I want I want!!!! checkout trailer here. Yes, I just said trailer 

It has been a very RANDOM week. I am just recovering frm my flu.. I took EL on Sunday, hence I had to work nite on my day off. Hence they put me in ambulance call, and my luck was rather weird... I kept on bringing red zone cases, I even had to bagged n CPR a pt before transporting. Then I'm back to yellow zone. Then I had to replace Gareth in procedure room as he is already on leave for his EOP. What a week! Just spoke to Faizal for like 2 hours...my goodness, we just kept on rambling sometimes. But its really fun to catch up. Anyway, tomorrow is Sunday and I'm off. Sad course tonight, my Nenek gonna make makan2 kat Kajang as a celebration Cik Faridah recent Umrah and Sakinah home-for-good course she finished her diploma. Everyone will gather and makan2 and catch up...I'm Super Jelly =(. But anyway, I'll be meeting Kak Ekin tomorrow (my senior from Meds School). So gonna have enough rest to prepare for tonite night shift!! Hoping for a good night in Procedure Room, lets stitch some ppl..huhu Toodles~ <3

Happiness is...

There's no LOVE as perfect as Allah swt. His LOVE is truly unconditional, no matter what race, religion, gender, age, a good or a bad person you are His LOVE is there for you always. He will never let you down, and He will always be within your reach, He will always be there to listen to you, He will always be watching over you.. Isnt he sound like the perfect lover.

Why didn't I see this? Why have I lost my focus to gain your LOVE Ya Allah. When your LOVE is the most perfect. I have lost my sight for awhile, I did thgs that I am shameful of, I might hv trigger your anger, make you sad...Im sorry Ya Allah. I am the most imperfect servant, too ungrateful for all the blessings that I have and yet you never leave my side. Seeing your LOVE, I'm touched, for nobody will ever love me the way you do. In search of happiness, the happiness is Allah swt.

My new Baby in Town

Yup!! my new car is here!!! On 1st of March I'm the proud owner of this Red Fiesta. Wooott Woott!! Yep, WWK 8578 it is....at last that's the only available number after fighting for 513, 2012, 1712....So, why 8578? 8, is just my favourite number so it start and ends with 8. 57 just symbolizes my family number. Perfect! and Faizal said WWK looks like WINK....huhuhu *wink2* my red fiesta is winking at you!! lol!!  As much as I am thrilled for this new baby. I have to warned you, I am not yet a skilled driver and I have a lot to learn and confidence to gain. I hope this baby can be with me for a very VERY VERY long time. Believe it or not I've finally understand the feeling of loving a car, cz it is more than just a car, this is my hardwork...my penat lelah, my titisan peluh...ewwww haha and I love Ruby very much!!! Yes, that's my car name...hey! at least I'm not vain enough to call it Rodimus, kay? haha geddit? Anyway, enough kerepek....just wanted to share with you about My very FIRST baby :)  <3

Suara hati

Ya Allah kau percepatkan lah jodoh kami, kau rapatkan dan satu kan hati kami dengan erat dalam ikatan yg tersimpul mati. Semoga kami dapat saling kasih mengasihi, cinta menyintai, memahami, berbelas kasih, tertolak ansur, dan sentiasa menjadi kekasih dan kawan karib yg sempurna kepada satu sama lain. Semoga kami di kurniakan anak2 yg soleh dan solehah, yg dapat saling kasih mengasihi antara satu sama lain dan menjaga kami hingga ke akhir hayat kami. Kau kurniakn lah kebahagiaan kepada kami di dunia dan di akhirat. Jadikn kami diantara hamba2 mu yg beriman. Amin..

Salam Maulidur Rasul

آللّهُمَ صَلّیۓِ ۈسَلّمْ عَلۓِ سَيّدنَآ مُحَمّدْ وَ عَلۓِ آلِ سَيّدنَآ مُحَمَّدٍ

Engagement in Islam

Based on teaching that has been all over youtube by Ustaz Azhar Idrus :

Engagement in Islam happen when a boy and a girl agree to get married to one another, even WITHOUT the presence of the girl's parents.

Ok...why I suddenly wanna talk about this topic? Its because, I am not really sure if I and Hazim are engaged in Islam or not. But whatever it is, I don't want to be engaged to him yet. I dun want to be someone fiance unless that someone is really sure that I am the one and that he is ready enough to face my family and his family that he wanted me as his wife. Till then no, no and no. I am not gonna be agreeing in marrying anyone. Macam harsh je cakap macam ni kan. I dunno la why I freaked out sangat about this, I guess after reading an article about it and listening to it myself, I kinda take it seriously....and I don't know why. I don't want to be hurt again, I don't want an arbitrary  thing. I want something real. For once, I want Hazim to be serious, truthful and sincere...I don't mean that he has not but for that one moment. I want it to be special, a moment that I really feel that he faught for me. Like whatever it is that he feel, he is not afraid to put courage, heart and effort and put it forward and feel like he is risking everything to get me.

I don't know why I am doing this but maybe I needed that reassurance. I needed that moment that I  can look back to when I am old and wrinkled and disfigured after multiple labour. That I sed yes to this not just because I love this person very much. But because I am sure that this person love me with all his heart too. Oh gosh, Yes...I am one tiring lady.

Reading. The Beginning

Assalammualaikum....

OK...I think it is time for me to start blogging...

Truthfully, I've been doing a lot of reading lately and knowing me a lot of reading will result in a lot of thinking. With that thinking, lets just say...I kinda look at myself in a different perception, and truthfully...I am not proud of myself. I am ashamed of the person that I have become. Yes, I have everything....love, family, health, youth, career and wealth is not an issue although I'm not a billionaire...but yes, I have every reason to be happy and content...and I am. But, I'm lost in this thing called 'Dunya'. Yerp, most of us probably don't realize this...but we do/did this every once in a while. We are lost is something temporary...we put this temporary thing as our priority and they kinda rule our life and makes us forget that one day we all gonna die...and our end destiny are heaven or hell.

Well, I know saying all this can appear somewhat depressing..... grim as most would say. Truthfully, it doesnt have to be, if we truly understand what life really means...all this thing that we are worried of...money, career, love life, etc etc etc...they are all temporary...it is just a reminder from Allah swt that He is there, and all that we really need to do all our life is actually...LOVE HIM and be true to him...InsyaAllah our temporary problems will be settle. All that happen to us is actually a sign that Allah swt LOVE us. His LOVE is perfect. And I, ashamed as I am know that I have to change.... a lot. There's still a lot that I have to do to be a better muslim, I have to improve a lot to be back in His right path again.

The path of whom You have granted blessings, those who are neither subject to Your anger nor have gone astray ~ Al- Fatihah : 7

Yup, I have to change...but change have to be taken slowly in order for it to really be long lasting, so I am taking one step at a time...Please pray that I'll be able to change into someone better.

Surah Al- Alaq Verses 1-19

(Muhammad), read in the name of your Lord who created (all things). He created man from a clot of blood. Recite! Your Lord is the most Honorable One, who, by the pen, taught the human being : He taught the human being what he did not know. Despite this, the human being still tends to rebel because he thinks that he is independent.

However, (all things) will return to your Lord. Have you seen the one who prohibits a servant of Ours from prayer? What will happen if the praying person is rightly guided or if he commands others to maintain piety!? What will happen if the prohibiting rejects the Truth and turns away from it? Does he not realize that Allah swt sees him?

Let him know that if he does not desist, We shall certainly drag him by his forelocks, his lying sinful forelock. Let him call his associates for help and We too will call the stern and angry keepers of hell.

(Muhammad), never yield to him! Prostrate yourself and try to come closer to Allah swt*

Wassalam

Sudden Change

Ok yeah, I've change everything... Just dont feel like myself lately. Like everything that I really feel, I just have to keep it inside. Cause I can't say it out loud as people will take it the wrong way. I just don't want by blog post to be hurtful to people, same applies to my facebook posts/status, twitter etc etc etc. But, sometimes without you realize in order to spare other people's feeling, you are the one end up getting hurt and lose yourself in the process. That's what has happen to me, fear of writing just because I don't want people to misinterpret me. Little did I realize that this is my blog, it is my right and people should respect it.

I just really need sometime to clear my head up. I need to go find myself. Find what really matter to me, cause nothing is...or seem like worth to matter. Time, yes...time is all I need, if only I was that lucky

Urgh

MODE : tak ske tgk blog sendiri..kbye!

Sweetie

Seriously feel so hurt tonight, if i am being childish. Fine, i try not to. But why do you always assume me as if u know me so well. Say things that is hurting my feeling even more. Dejavu dejavu dejavu... My heart cant take this. Erase !

Year 2012 : START NOW

Salam....

So, New Year update....To tell you the truth I can't remember what I did on New Year Eve's or New Year last year.. But on the last night of 2011, I was working on my night shift in Peadiatric Ward 6C. As the clock nearing 12am I was actually trying to catch a nap...but my mind is deep in memories of all the things that I have done in 2011 that I don't even remember when actually that I fall asleep....As I woke up, there was already fireworks in the background...Yes, true enough 2012 is here, clock shows 0005 H...I did not managed to watch the fireworks this year..it had died off the moment I reached the window...Anyway, that is not what concerned me...What was running thru my mind was "What kind of a person that I've become in 2011? Have I become better or have I actually managed to become worst". That question I think lies between me and Allah swt.

Pondering at 2011, definitely I have gone thru a lot....but, my support system are always there for me. Feel truly blessed. I found love this year. Being in a relationship and start being in a long distance not long after that. Definitely have thought me to be more patient, understanding and learnt to live alone without anyone to count on 24/7. I learn to make friends and accept the people that i used to not like. I learnt to forget the past and try my best to make the best of present. I've lost my grandfather. Being stepped by the people I trust. Truly, one thing I definitely has achieved this year is the will to let go and have faith in whatever Allah swt has planned for me. Alhamdullillah, I am still here. I am still blessed with health, happiness and love. I have everythg that I ever wanted. My life, as imperfect as it is.... is truly perfect. Alhamdullilah....hopefully, Allah swt will still gv me his blessings, and give me courage to overcome whatever that might happen in the future. I definitely have to try harder to be a better Muslim in the future.

Looking back at my 2011 Resolutions :

1. I want to be a better servant to Allah swt
2. To be a better daughter, sister, friend, doctor and person
3. To find myself that special someone....if Allah wills it... I think the time is right already ;)
4. To be able to fly thru all of my posting smoothly
5. To take better care of my health and savings

Truthfully, I can't say I've achieve most of the things 100%, because certain things have to be a continuous process...like I would carry forward No.1, No.2 and No.4 in 2012. As I already found that special someone..Alhamdullilah....I would now hope that our jodoh di percepatkan. Benda baik tak baik ditangguh2 kan?... lagi pun if we continue like this akan bertambah dosa je. Hmmm *Muhasabah diri*. I also hope that I will be less shopaholic this year cz now I will start paying for my car. Yerp, finally getting myself a car after oh-so-long.....huhu ^^

I also have to really take care of my health, eat healthily and exercise more. I also definitely have to cut down on luxury and save moreee moolahh. TEEHEE!!

WELCOME 2012

Expecting nothing less from this year, hope it will be a much greater year than a year before. Whatever experience it have install for me, hopefully will make me a better person to Allah swt and the people around me.

Happy 2012 people!!!

~take care~