i knew

i shoudnt jinx it.....

Happy Meal of Life

I'm blogging from my phone, can you believe it? I suddenly feel very strong feeling to blog. I have a lot of thing going on lately that i want to blog about... like i went to Bruno Mars consert last Sunday. It was really awesome! He was a really great performer. Okay i'll talk more about it later. What I really wanna talk about now is...I am happy. Why I am happy....I duno, I just feel peaceful. I am suddenly not worried. I don't feel like I have to catch something. Like I am on a verge of losing something. I feel free....and I am happy. Okay, I have sed that already.   Haha...ok I don't wana jinx this feeling. But I myself don't really understand why...I'm not in love or anythg ok. I thk I've just chase away yet another guy who is trying to approach me. I dunno why, dont even ask me why. Cz sometimes why I do certain thgs, I myself cant explain. I guess, maybe the truth is I am not interested. Maybe I've found everythg that I want. Tho I think maybe I am risking myself here, but as of now... nobody really made me feel like I need to be with anybody right now. I dunno, I am kinda content? For once, I am not obsess about my feeling. For once i feel like i am ready to let go. I dont feel the need to resist anythg. Just try to live n be happy. Cz now, I have nothing for me to be sad about. I mean... not really unless I really want to. Ok I feel so weird boasting about happiness here cam gyle menunjuk la pulak. Just to tell u I am not trying to boast. Its just that it's nice to look back and see how I feel bout things. Kinda give me back a moment to reflect on myself.

All I am trying to say is.... Alhamdullilah...

wait for it....

Often you hear this....wait till...wait for....

Seriously, today I'm just tired of this. Life is short people. What are you waiting for? Till what comes??? The moment my dad said "wait till your sister finished her studies. Then we go somewhere nice". I just can't take it anymore....I've been putting up with this "waiting" for quite sometime now that i feel like I wana scream.

No, I don't wana wait for destiny. I dun want to wait till I can get a long holiday to go to Aussie. Newsflash! I'll never have a long break. And for goodness sake!!!! I don't want to wait till my sister abes blaja baru nak go and have vacation. Ok we wait, then what? Probably I will not be here anymore. Probably, I'm working faraway from home by then. To wait, does that even mean that my parents will have enough leave to take?  Do you realize that our time is short? God forbid, what if tomorrow I'm destined to die????

I'm seriously tired of waiting...of putting thgs off for later. Why cant we get it done now??? If we all working so hard to get our work done. Why does we all have to put our life on hold???? why???? Allah s.w.t did not teach us to procrastinate.....even in performing our solat, we as muslims were thought to get it done asap. So why, must we wait for anythg??? why???? anybody that have an answer please do share with me. WAITING is tiring people, not to mention it is a waste of time....if we don't take our chances. we might not find it again in the future. Seriously, I don't want to be the people who said " I should have". Time does not wait...so why should we???

safe is unsafe

I thk this blog is lacking of smthg meaningful lately...seems like it has been a place where I just dumped all of the things that I just cant say out loud, all my emotions and that's it. So what's going on lately? After my trip to Sabah....i had my Medical assessment....Alhamdullilah, I passed....so now...I am living my jobless days in Ortho.

Seriously after finishing medical *thought block* err i couldnt remember how i wana finish that sentence just now actually. Hmm anyways, i da abes medical...thinking bout it tak sangka dah lepas posting yg paling menakutkan tuh. Hmm...tapi i rase, byk jer lagi posting yg takut compare to medical i.e Anaest, ED or Peads. Life is always a challenge...sometimes I rasa cam I am in a game yang every posting feel like a Stage...so I must complete 6 Stage in total. Memang syukur sangat2 dah lulus medical. Tapi lepas abes medical masuk pulak Ortho yg cam takde kerja nie...adehhaiii bosannnye. Hari2 abes round dalam pukul 830am then by 930am dah jobless. Gi makan breakfast then after breakfast tido.....hahahahhahaha....cam tak senonoh kan. OMG, no wonderla I da cam tembam semacam. haihh -_____-""

Anyways...for the past few days....I've been trying to work on something to figure out somethg. But for some reason my effort kept on going in vain. I am seriously out of ways to achieve this. I cant seem to talk about it. I dunno how to make it happen. I just have to plant more patience deep inside of me. Maybe one day it will work out. Maybe one day there will no longer be in between. Maybe all of us are scared, maybe figuring it out is like letting down our defenses  and exposing ourself to being hurt. Maybe that is our problem, we make ourself complicated so that people can't read us. So that people can't figure us out. So that we will be safe. Little did we realize, being safe will also predisposed ourself to being hurt. Like people sed,  its better to have tried and fail than failing without even trying. Do you guys understand what I am talking about? I know Iam seryesly bad with words nowadays...I can't seem to use them to express whatever it is that I feel or think. I just feel so numb.

My point is life is too short...too short to play safe, so what if we get hurt. Get up!!! mend those wounds...it will heal, playing safe won't promise us that we won't get hurt. Its better to be in a battle and die rather than waiting at home to be killed. Our nature is to survive, we will find our ways to survive...tho I think I myself are not very brave to follow my own advise. I know I have to. I know what I want. I know what I feel. I am not scared to follow it. I just hope it is real this time....I am putting my destiny in you...

words failed me

hello dear

i love you so so muchhhhhhh!!!! please forgive me for feeling this way....i cant lie to myself, i'm scared. i love you but i know u'll hurt me. i'll get hurt in the end....that is just how it is goin to be....i noe that you care, but i know u cant let me love you